Tiny Glowing Screens|Daniel.Seavey

The veiw between villages- noah kahan

I have locked myself in my house. I've been lay in the middle of my bed in a ball since Friday.

I was in the least amount of clothing because I keep breaking out into a sweat. There was just a massive stain of my mascara on my sheets.

I've smoked more weed than I should have. I have it under control I just don't know what else I can do to keep myself from killing myself.

I have letters I can write, I won't ever do it. Not ever again. But Jesus is it hard to keep strong.

Part of me wishes I wasn't so fucking dreadful to be around. Maybe I'd have people to call, maybe I'd have stood up for myself and my mum. Maybe I'd have friends and my mum would have a good job. I'd have a phone and I'd be able to call people.

Instead I'm sat in a ball with the same clothes on that I was wearing two days ago. My hair was greasy and trapping in small pigtails. The curls were getting out of hand.

I just want to be okay. I want to get better. I want to be normal.

The bruises on my knees that were forever there, reminding me every day that I can in fact, not live that life. Not with my dad around.

My god this is dreadful.

Jesus fucking Christ I am the most insufferable person I have ever met.

I mean seriously this is fucking embarrassing. I can't even try to deny it.

I just don't have the strength to stand up and get over myself. There's people out there that have it so impossibly hard and I'm here crying over becoming my father.

What a sad little life I live.

I haven't said a word since I left school on Friday. Fair enough it's only been two days. But still.

I just hope it doesn't end up being the way it was last time. My two years of silence still haunts me. I had so much to say and I just couldn't open my stupid little mouth to say it.

I've had about six people knock on my door. I know they know I'm alive because they can see my weak little body from the kitchen window.

Which is awful actually. I should probably close the blinds. "Imogene." It was Daniel this time. He called me Imogene.

It was sickening. Four days and he's over my already. "Please can you just unlock the door." I shook my head. Moving my chin from the new bruise on my leg. "Please. I need to see you. Nobody's seen you all weekend and I'm worried."

You and me both buddy. "I'll break in. I swear I'll do it." I didn't have the strength to stop him but if I stand up then he'll get his way anyway. So I is it left him to it.

It took him thirty seconds to break into my house. It was terrifying. "I know you probably don't want to speak to anybody. But I need you alive. I need you fed and frankly, I need you."

He pulls my arms from around my legs. Lifting me up from the bed. "Come on."

He sits me down on the bathroom counter, throwing his jumper over my head. "You must be freezing."

He started brushing my teeth. Barely speaking, thankfully. I'm not sure I could deal with it.

"I'm not going to make you shower because I can see you starting to freak out. So I'll brush your hair back and then I'll wash your face. Then we can sit in the living room with the curtains closed and watch a movie. Yeah?"

Nobody has ever, not once. Ever green this gentle. Tyler is quite nice, but he's also sort of bear like so it's a hard gentle.

Daniel was the kind of gentle you would be if you had a full backpack on and you were walking through a shop filled with glass. "I missed you pretty girl." He kisses my nose.

Wiping the towel over my face. "You wanna walk or should I carry you?" I hold my arms out. "Okay," he said through a laugh. "Come on."

Hugging him gently, I let myself get used to it. Smiling as I realised I really had it pretty good.

Still wanted to kill myself. But at least I had somebody to stay for.

"Johnny came over crying, mid panic attack. Worried you'd ran away or done something. Told me he couldn't tell if you were there or if it was your blanket."

He hides in the corner of the couch. Pulling me with him. "I would've been here hours ago if I could've. But I would've ended up being shipped off to some boarding school somewhere. I'm sorry I wasn't there."

"You're here." I hug my arms around him, my eyes finally closing after two days of no sleep. "Always. You just try and sleep okay. I'll be here when you wake up. Promise."

I didn't am to sleep just yet, I was a little excited about him being here. I didn't want it to be fake so I stayed awake for a while.

Watching whatever he put on while he quietly checked through his dad's emails.

He answered them so quickly. Even his dad told him that he can take a break. His dad seems to think he's with Johnny.

Which is best, because boarding school just seems like it'll be far away and I'm not sure I really want that.

I don't usually get this attached this quickly but apart of me seems to think it's right so I'm making the most of it.

If it ends badly then at least I'll have Tyler there to save me from having a literal meltdown.

"Yeah if you just send them over to the front office with the same red label, they'll know where to put it. It should be checked by tomorrow morning. The office closes in half hour so maybe not today. I do apologise. Okay, okay thank you."

He didn't got deeper into the couch, until we were both laid down half asleep with those same smiles. "I told you to sleep." He whispered, moving the hair from my face. "I will."