loving you can make Jesus cry

confused

1 Corinthians 14:33
"For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, as in all churches of the saints" 

Gemini has been avoiding Fourth ever since that kiss incident and Fourth was somewhat relieved but conflicted. He knew that what happened between him and Gemini shouldn't have happened. He knew that he shouldn't have felt what he felt but he couldn't help it. He tried to put it out of his mind. He tried to convince himself that it was a moment of weakness where he let his guard down and allowed the devil the opportunity to enter and cloud his mind. But somehow he knew that wasn't true.

It wasn't a moment of weakness, it wasn't something he did against his will. He had wanted to kiss Gemini, he wanted to do more with Gemini and the fact that every night since that kiss he has been dreaming about Gemini doing sinful and unspeakable things to him was an indicator that he still wanted it. But he knew it was wrong.

He wasn't a homosexual. He couldn't be one. Why would God create him to become one? If he was made in God's image, then he surely couldn't be gay. Could he?

Everything that he has learned throughout his life has taught him that homosexuality was wrong. There wasn't any other way around it. That it was sinful.

"In the beginning God made male and a female so therefore the man shall leave his mother and father and hold fast to his wife and the two shall become one flesh."

There was no other way around it. If God had created Fourth to become male then it meant that Fourth's significant other was a female. So whatever Fourth felt towards Gemini was wrong, it was sinful. If Fourth was meant to feel the way he does towards Gemini the God could created one of them to be female. It would be so much easier if he had. Then Fourth wouldn't be feeling guilty for being attracted to Gemini.

"If a man has sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They are to be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads."

The scripture was straightforward. It clearly stated that what Fourth was feeling, what Fourth wanted to do with Gemini and what he wanted Gemini to do to him was detestable that the result to that should be death. Death! It meant that the sin of homosexuality was as bad as the sin of taking a life. And Fourth couldn't allow himself to create such an offense.

Yet the more Gemini avoided him, the more it hurt and he would feel guilty because this should be a good thing. Being away from Gemini meant that he would be away from the temptation that would lead him astray. The temptation that would lead him off the righteous path.

"Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men."

But the scripture was clear. If he was to let himself to lay down with Gemini. He would have created a sin that would deprive him of inheriting the kingdom of God and if he didn't get to go to heaven then what would have been the point of doing all that he had been doing his entire life? If Fourth didn't get to go to heaven then what was his purpose on earth?

He was so conflicted. He was so confused and he was so lost.

But Fourth knew that this all had to be the work of the enemy. Because confusion was the weapon of the enemy to unleash demonic activity through mental, emotional or physical confusion in order to manipulate and assault our minds.

But how could anything about Gemini be demonic? He was so kind and good. If the heavens did speak he'd be the last true mouthpiece. If Fourth was being completely honest with himself, truly honest with himself in the depths of his heart. The only heaven he'd want to be sent to was to be alone with Gemini, was Gemini.