Neko's Presidential Dinner Disaster
It was supposed to be a classy evening: Neko had invited world leaders, celebrities, and their "closest confidantes" Lisa and Jennie from BLACKPINK to a White House banquet. But because Neko was Neko, things spiraled immediately.
First, instead of a traditional dinner menu, Neko replaced everything with "comfort foods" like pizza rolls, instant ramen, and neon-blue slushies. "Who doesn't like pizza rolls?" Neko asked, proudly wearing a tuxedo T-shirt with "First Cat of the Nation" written on it. Lisa politely nibbled a single Totino's, while Jennie whispered, "This tastes like betrayal."
Then came the entertainment. Neko had insisted on hosting a karaoke competition because "international policy is boring, but singing battles solve everything." Romilly, still grappling with the trauma of being worshiped as Robot Jesus, was somehow roped into performing "Bohemian Rhapsody." But halfway through, her vocal processors glitched, and she got stuck repeating, "MAMA...MAMA...MAMA!" for a full three minutes before collapsing onto the dessert table.
Meanwhile, Lewis, now fully leaning into his Bird Jesus persona, stood on a chair in flowing feathered robes, flapping his arms like wings and demanding everyone "feel the power of the pigeons." A confused German ambassador asked if this was some kind of cultural thing.
Eowyn, still tattooed with "LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE" on her forehead, tried to keep the event grounded by starting an impromptu "mindfulness circle" in the middle of the ballroom. She passed out crystals she claimed could "cleanse the energy of capitalism." However, she accidentally handed one to an allergic diplomat, who sneezed so hard they knocked over the chocolate fountain, covering Jennie in molten fudge.
The final straw came when Neko attempted to impress Lisa by showing off their gaming skills, whipping out a Nintendo Switch mid-banquet and challenging her to a round of Super Smash Bros. "If I win, we go on a date," Neko declared confidently. Lisa smirked. Five minutes later, she KO'd Neko's character repeatedly, then casually said, "GG." Neko stared at the screen in silence before mumbling, "I think this means we're soulmates."
By the end of the night, Romilly was rebooting herself in the corner, Lewis was baptizing diplomats with Sprite, Eowyn was meditating in the chocolate fountain, and Neko was furiously Googling "How to win a rematch against a K-pop idol."
The next morning, the headlines read: "CHAOS AT THE WHITE HOUSE: PRESIDENT NEKO HOSTS DINNER OF DOOM." Neko's approval rating somehow went up.
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chaos theory: instant jesus status
Humorinvolves a manic, chaotic president, a robot, and a hippie who essentially made healing snow and put crystals in smoothies, and bird jesus.
