Iwis, reeling from the failure of her healing snow empire and the yurt collapse, had a massive midlife crisis. One cold Antarctic morning, she gazed into a melting ice block and whispered, "This isn't me." She renamed herself Eowyn Galaxystorm, claiming the name was "a cosmic rebirth." Eowyn immediately started a podcast called Crisis But Make It Spiritual, where she interviewed people about their worst decisions. Unfortunately, the podcast was accidentally uploaded to a defunct MySpace page, and no one listened. Desperate for relevance, she tattooed "LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE" on her forehead in Comic Sans, only for it to smear in the Antarctic wind.
Romilly's oat milk commune was thriving until one day, while reorganizing the stockpile of milk cartons, she tripped and accidentally pressed a hidden button on her wrist. A panel opened in her forearm, revealing wires and blinking lights. "I'M A ROBOT?!" she screamed, which only made her followers worship her more. "The Savior is a divine android!" they chanted. Overwhelmed, Romilly started glitching. At one point, she froze mid-sentence during a sermon, her voice stuck on repeat: "Peace be w-with you... b-b-b-b-with you..." The crowd cheered, thinking it was some kind of holy remix.
Meanwhile, Neko's presidency took a bizarre turn when Lisa and Jennie from BLACKPINK visited the White House for a diplomatic event. Neko, a lifelong BLINK, spent the entire evening nervously quoting lyrics like, "It's like, do you wanna be my lover? Am I allowed to say that? Hypothetically speaking, of course." Lisa and Jennie, charmed by Neko's chaotic energy, suggested they all hang out more often. Misreading the situation entirely, Neko proposed a polyamorous relationship. Jennie laughed, thinking it was a joke, while Lisa raised an eyebrow and said, "Interesting... Let's grab coffee sometime." This sent Neko into a full-blown spiral of romantic overanalysis, tweeting cryptic things like "Love is a battlefield, but I have no armor except my vibes."
As for Lewis, his bird-powered airplane campaign hit a snag when the first prototype exploded mid-flight. Unfazed, Lewis declared himself Bird Jesus, the chosen one who would lead humanity to "aerial enlightenment." He began dressing in flowing robes made of feathers and insisted that everyone address him as "The Holy Aviator." His sermons were mostly incoherent rants about how pigeons were secretly geniuses, but somehow, he gained a cult following. His most devoted followers built a giant bird-shaped temple and held rituals involving sunflower seeds and interpretive dances.
By the end of the year, Eowyn Galaxystorm was living in a yoga studio above a deli, Romilly was malfunctioning while trying to explain Wi-Fi to her followers, Neko was still debating whether Lisa's "coffee" offer was romantic, and Bird Jesus Lewis was banned from every major airport for attempting to "baptize" planes.
The world was completely unhinged, but everyone was too busy live-tweeting their lives to notice.
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chaos theory: instant jesus status
Humorinvolves a manic, chaotic president, a robot, and a hippie who essentially made healing snow and put crystals in smoothies, and bird jesus.
