For every time you made me cry
For every hit you ever landed
For every time you made me feel worthless
For every time you told me I wasn't good enough
Do have any idea what it feels like to be hit by your parent?
It hurts.
And not just physically
It hurts to know that your parent is willingly and intentionally inflicting pain onto you
They're supposed to love you
Supposed to nurture you
Supposed to support you and listen to you
Not make you hate yourself
Not hit you
Not tell you that your ideas and beliefs are all wrong and all stupid
Not shape the way you see the world and people and men and love for the worse
Do you have any fucking idea?
I want to scream at you
but I'm scared
I want to hit you
but I'm scared
I want to cuss at you
flip you off
tell you to go to hell
tell you to go hurt someone else for a change
But I'm scared.
And I know you think you're so great for stopping your drinking and stopping the hitting
But guess what?
I don't forgive you
I never will
You still hit me-
except it's with your words
and your glares
and your smirks
And in a lot of ways that's worse
I think I'd rather be hit again
than deal with this shit
So.
Here's what I want to and will say to you one day.
I'm bisexual, deal with it.
I'm not a retard.
I hope I never see your face again.
You never were and never will be my dad.
I hope that everyone you love ends up hating you.
I hope that one day, people will see the real you.
The you that I saw.
I'm not going to burn in hell for being homosexual.
But, if for some reason I do.
I'll see you there.
No.
I'm not sorry.
Fuck you.
