tis the damn season

"Love slipped beyond your reaches"

It felt like my whole world was unraveling the moment I said the words. The words that had been building up inside me for months, the ones I'd been avoiding until now.

"I'm moving to New York, Rafe," I said, my voice shaking. I was standing in his room, my heart in my throat as I watched his expression shift from confusion to disbelief.

"What do you mean, moving?" His brow furrowed as he looked at me, trying to process what I was saying.

"I got into NYU, Rafe. I... I have to go." The words left my lips in a rush, but even as I spoke them, it felt like I was betraying him. Betraying us.

Rafe didn't say anything right away. He just stood there, his eyes searching mine, trying to find some trace of the girl he thought he knew. The girl who was always there, the girl who had been by his side through everything. I could see the hurt beginning to form behind his eyes.

"I thought we..." he trailed off, his voice barely above a whisper, "I thought we were good. We were fine, Jules. Why would you leave now?"

I swallowed, the lump in my throat making it harder to breathe. "I'm not leaving now, we have til the end of the summer, and I'll be back for Christmas but I have to do this, Rafe. This is something I've worked for. This is about my future."

His gaze darkened, and I could see the walls he'd built around himself start to go up. "So, what, I'm just supposed to stay here and watch you go? Watch you leave me behind? Is that it? Are we just fucking seasonal now?"

I didn't know how to answer that. I couldn't blame him for feeling abandoned. After everything we'd been through, how could I just walk away? But the reality was, New York was my dream. It was my chance to escape the chaos, to find something for myself in the world that had always been about other people's expectations.

"I don't want to leave you, Rafe," I said, my voice barely above a whisper. "But this is something I have to do for me."

For a moment, we just stood there in silence, the weight of the decision pressing down on us. And then, without another word, Rafe turned and walked out of the room. He didn't slam the door. He didn't shout. But I could feel the fury radiating off him in waves.

I didn't know what to do. I wanted to run after him, beg him to understand, to make him see that this wasn't about us, but about something I had to do for myself. But I didn't move. Instead, I stood there, frozen in the middle of his room, feeling like everything I thought I knew was slipping through my fingers.

Hours later, I heard the familiar sound of his truck revving outside, and I knew where he was going. The last place I ever wanted him to go. He knew if he went down that path, he would lose me; he would lose everything.

—————————

Rafe sat on the edge of Barry's couch, the dim lights of the dingy living room flickering as he waited. His hands were clenched into fists, his jaw tight with frustration and anger. Everything felt like it was closing in on him—his dad's mess, his own mess, and now, Jules leaving.

His phone buzzed in his pocket, a text from Jules. He didn't have to look at it to know what it said. Jules was still leaving. That was all that mattered now. He didn't know how to deal with it, didn't know how to fix what was broken.

Barry, a short guy with a man bun and a goatee walked into the room, nodding toward Rafe. "You good, country club?"

Rafe barely looked up, his eyes distant. "Yeah," he muttered, his voice rough. "Just... I need something to take the edge off."

Barry smirked, pulling out a small bag from his pocket, shaking it as he inspected it. "You know what you need. You sure about this?"

Rafe didn't hesitate. He was done with thinking, done with feeling. "Yeah," he said, voice low. "Just... get it over with."

Barry handed him a small, wrapped package. Rafe took it, feeling the weight of his decision press into his palm. He didn't care what happened anymore. He didn't care about the future, or about Jules, or about anything. All he wanted was to numb the pain that had settled deep inside of him.

As Barry turned to leave, Rafe stayed seated, staring at the bag in his hands.

The room felt heavy. Silent.

He had been with Jules. He had kissed her, held her, loved her. But now? She was leaving. And all that was left was this emptiness.

He stood up, his fingers trembling as he prepared to do something he knew he'd regret. It was all he could think to do to escape, to drown out the pain of losing her.

But as he reached for the line of powder, he couldn't shake the feeling that this was only the beginning. And no matter how much he tried to numb it, the fact remained: Jules was leaving him, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.
She was the only family he had. Ward didn't love him, he never did. His real mother had left, Rose in her place, and he couldn't even tolerate her. Wheezie was frightened of him due to the excessive arguments he had with Ward and Rose and Sarah. She loathed him. She hated how he treated her friends.

Juliette saw a different side to him. A warm side. She was the sun. He was the moon. Perhaps the two were never made to exist together, but they always found a way.