tis the damn season

"You were never mine, never mine"

The morning after the sleepover was just as chaotic as any Pogue gathering. I woke up to the usual mess of half-eaten snacks and blankets strewn across the floor, the sun barely filtering through the blinds. The sounds of Kiara and JJ arguing over breakfast filled the air, and I couldn't help but smile at the normalcy of it all. I didn't think I'd ever get used to the chaos, and at that moment, I didn't want to.

But beneath the comfortable noise, something had shifted. Last night, I had gone to bed with the lingering feeling of Pope's words in my head, the warmth of his arm brushing against mine, and his gentle reminder that I didn't have to be alone. His kindness had left an imprint on me, and now, the uncertainty of it all was gnawing at my gut.

"Morning, Jules!" Kiara's voice pulled me out of my thoughts as she entered the kitchen, a wide grin on her face. "How did you sleep?"

"Good," I said, forcing a smile. "I think I finally got some real rest."

Kiara raised an eyebrow, clearly sensing something was off. "Uh-huh. You sure about that?"

I gave her a tight-lipped smile, not ready to get into it yet. "Yeah, just tired. You know how it is."

She seemed to accept that answer for the moment, but I could tell she wasn't fully convinced. I turned back to the counter to grab a cup of coffee, hoping the caffeine would help settle the nerves that were making my chest tight.

"Well, it was nice to have everyone together last night," Kiara said as she leaned against the counter. "Even with all the chaos, it felt... normal."

I agreed, nodding. "Yeah, it was fun."

Just then, Sarah walked into the room, a sleepy smile on her face as she rubbed her eyes. She was the last one to wake up, as usual, but it was still early enough that she looked like she hadn't fully shaken off the remnants of a dream.

"Morning, Jules, Kiara," she said, plopping down on the couch with a sigh.

"Morning," I replied, glancing at Kiara. The three of us hadn't had a chance to really talk much recently—what with everything going on with Rafe and the awkwardness that had sprung up between me and Sarah for a while. Now, I couldn't help but feel a little guilty. Things with Pope had felt... complicated, and the weight of it was heavy in the pit of my stomach.

Kiara, sensing an opening, flashed me a mischievous grin. "So, Jules, you seemed a little cozy with Pope last night. Is something going on?"

My heart skipped, and I choked on my coffee, coughing to cover up my reaction. "What? No! No way," I blurted out, probably way too quickly.

Kiara raised an eyebrow. "Uh-huh. Looked pretty cozy to me. Just saying."

I glanced at Sarah, unsure of how she'd react. The truth was, I had been flirting with Pope a little, maybe too much. But I wasn't sure what it meant—was I just looking for something to distract me? Or was I actually feeling something for him?

"Kiara, stop it," Sarah said, a teasing smile tugging at her lips. "Let Jules breathe. She doesn't need any more pressure."

"Pressure?" Kiara shot back. "I'm not pressuring her. I'm just trying to figure out if she's got a thing for Pope or not."

"I don't know," I admitted, my voice a little quieter now. "It's... complicated."

Sarah glanced at me, her eyes narrowing a little. "Complicated how?"

I sighed, leaning back against the counter, taking a moment before I spoke again. "I don't know if it's just me being confused or if I'm actually starting to feel something. It's not fair to Pope, though. He deserves someone who knows what they want."

"And you don't?" Kiara asked gently, her tone softer now.

I bit my lip. "I don't know. I'm not sure I even know what I want right now. I'm not even sure about what's going on with Rafe."

At the mention of Rafe's name, Sarah's expression shifted, a flash of something unreadable passing across her face. Kiara noticed it too, her eyes darting between the two of us.

"Wait, you're still talking to Rafe?" Kiara asked, her voice a little sharper than usual.

I shrugged, trying to hide the tension in my shoulders. "Yeah. He's... different now. But I'm not sure what to think about it. I've been trying to figure it out."

"And Pope?" Sarah asked quietly, her gaze intense as she locked eyes with me.

My heart started to race. "Pope and I are just friends," I said, but even I didn't believe it.

"Are you sure about that?" Kiara asked, eyes twinkling with mischief.

Before I could respond, the sound of footsteps on the stairs interrupted us. We all turned to see Rafe standing in the doorway, his face impassive, but his eyes narrowed just slightly as if he'd been listening for longer than I realized.

For a brief moment, I thought about what to say. The truth? The lie? But the words caught in my throat.

"What's going on in here?" Rafe asked, his voice casual, but there was something in it—a tone I couldn't quite place.

"Nothing," Kiara said quickly, with a smile that was almost too bright. "Just girl talk."

Rafe didn't seem to believe her. His gaze flickered over to me, and then to Sarah and Kiara. His eyes lingered a little too long on me, making my chest tighten.

I forced a smile, hoping he wouldn't pick up on the tension that seemed to be crackling in the air. But as his eyes moved away, I couldn't help but notice the way his posture shifted. He was pulling away.

I swallowed, trying to act normal. "Hey, Rafe," I said, offering a small smile.

He nodded but didn't smile back, his eyes still guarded. "Hey," he muttered, before turning to walk toward the kitchen.

I knew then—something had changed. He'd overheard us. Rafe wasn't one to ignore things, and now, it felt like he was distancing himself from me, as if he'd been quietly processing what he had just heard. He didn't make eye contact with me again.

The air between us felt thick, suffocating, and I couldn't shake the feeling that everything was shifting in ways I couldn't control. He was pulling away, just like he had done so many times before.

Kiara, Sarah, and I exchanged looks, the weight of what had just transpired settling over us.

"Great," I muttered under my breath, rubbing my face with my hands. "This just got way more complicated."

And as Rafe continued to move around the kitchen, the silence that followed was louder than anything I could have said.