tis the damn season

"And it's like snow on the beach"

The beach was eerily beautiful under a blanket of snow. It felt wrong, this mix of cold winter and warm memories, the soft crunch of snow beneath my boots not quite matching the usual summer warmth of sand between my toes. The party was still going strong, despite the chill, the distant sounds of music and laughter mingling with the crash of the waves against the shore. But I wasn't really present. Not tonight. The snow wasn't enough to keep us away from the party, and it was kind of magical. The glow from the string lights twinkling above and the sound of the ocean crashing nearby made the night feel surreal, like we were living in a snow globe.

I had been drinking for hours. Wine, shots, whatever I could get my hands on. It was the kind of night where I just wanted to forget everything. Forget the confusion with Pope. Forget the tension with Rafe. Forget all the complications of life and just... let go.

I was drunk. Too drunk. It had started as a way to unwind, to shake off the growing ache in my chest that wouldn't go away no matter how much I tried to drown it in alcohol. But it wasn't working. Not tonight. The things I had pushed aside were bubbling up to the surface. All the confusion, all the mistakes.

"Jules! Another round!" JJ shouted, grinning wide as he held out a bottle of tequila.

"Yeah, sure," I said, stumbling toward him, my legs feeling like rubber. I grabbed the bottle from his hand, taking a long swig before handing it back.

I didn't care. I didn't care about anything tonight. Not about the looks Kiara was giving me from across the fire, or the way Pope kept glancing at me, his eyes filled with that quiet intensity that made my heart race for reasons I didn't understand. I didn't care about Rafe, standing by the truck in the distance, arms crossed, his eyes following me wherever I went.

"Jules, stop. You've had enough," Kiara said, her voice strained. She was standing next to me now, one hand resting gently on my arm as if she could somehow keep me grounded. But I wasn't. I was floating, untethered, trying to escape everything I couldn't control.

"No, I haven't. I'm fine," I said, my words slurring together. "Just let me be."

Kiara didn't say anything more. She didn't push it. I think she knew there was no point. I was already too far gone, already lost in my own mind.

As the night wore on, I could feel myself becoming more and more detached from everything. The laughter and music around me seemed distant, like I was hearing it from underwater. My body felt light, but my mind was heavy with the weight of everything I'd been holding in. Everything felt like a blur of flashes. The strobe of the party lights. The warm flicker of the fire. But none of it felt real. Nothing felt real. The only thing that felt real was the icy grip in my chest, the weight of everything I'd been avoiding.

And then I saw him.

Rafe. Standing by himself, looking at me with that unreadable expression. His jaw was tight, his eyes dark with something I couldn't quite place. Maybe disappointment. Maybe concern. But it wasn't the look I was used to seeing. He wasn't angry. He wasn't even yelling at me. He was just... watching.

I stumbled toward him, my body swaying under the weight of the alcohol. "What are you looking at?" I asked, my voice harsh, too sharp.

He didn't flinch. Didn't move. He just stood there, watching me with that same intensity. "You've had enough, Jules," he said, his voice low but firm, his eyes scanning me like he was trying to figure me out.

"I'm fine," I repeated, shaking my head as if the words would make it true.

He took a step forward, his hand reaching out toward me. "No, you're not. Let me take you home."