tis the damn season

"What should be over buried under my skin"

The night air was crisp as we piled into John B's house, the usual chaos of the Pogues filling the small space. The Christmas festival had been everything I needed—a distraction, a reminder of what normal felt like, before the tension with Rafe and the messiness of everything I couldn't seem to untangle. As we shuffled through the door, the familiar warmth of the house greeted us. The floorboards creaked beneath our feet, the place still smelling faintly of saltwater and whatever food Kiara had brought over earlier.

"Alright, we're officially in Pogue territory now," John B said, flopping dramatically onto the couch with his usual laid-back grin. "Who's ready for the ultimate sleepover?"

JJ immediately started rifling through the cupboard for snacks, Pope sank into an armchair with a book in hand, and Kiara kicked off her boots and sprawled across the floor, pulling out her phone to scroll through messages.

I found myself a spot on the couch next to Pope, a small part of me still feeling the warmth of the day's laughter. We had all been so carefree, the world feeling like it was ours for the taking. But now, in the quiet of the house, I couldn't shake the nagging feeling that there was something unresolved, something pulling at me.

"So," Pope began, looking up from the pages of his book with that knowing glint in his eyes, "How was the festival, Jules?"

"It was good," I replied, settling into the couch, trying to keep my tone light. "A good break from everything, you know?"

He nodded, but there was a subtle shift in his gaze—one I hadn't noticed before. It was as if he was studying me, seeing through the act. I tried to shake it off, but the tension lingered between us.

"You looked like you were having a good time," Pope added with a smirk, his voice teasing but somehow soft. "You seemed pretty happy, especially when you were with Kiara."

I felt the heat rise to my cheeks at the mention of her. We'd been together most of the time, but Pope's words hung in the air. It wasn't like it was a secret that I'd been a little distant lately, but now, in this moment, with him sitting so close to me, the weight of his gaze felt different.

"Yeah, I guess," I said, trying to sound casual, but the flicker of guilt in my chest was undeniable. "It was nice, being around everyone."

"You deserve it," Pope said softly, the teasing tone gone, replaced with something more genuine. His eyes met mine, and for a moment, it felt like we were in our own world. It was the kind of look that made my heart skip a beat, a mixture of familiarity and something I couldn't quite put into words. Pope and I had always been close, but lately, there had been this... shift. Something new. And it felt dangerous. I wasn't sure where it was coming from, but it was there, swirling in the space between us.

A few moments passed in comfortable silence before Kiara, sensing the change in the air, spoke up. "Alright, alright. Enough of this sappy stuff. We're supposed to be having fun, remember?" She reached into a bag of chips and threw a handful at John B, hitting him square in the face.

"Hey!" John B protested, trying to shield himself from the barrage of snacks. "I'm just here for the popcorn, man."

I forced a laugh, trying to break the tension, but my mind kept drifting back to Pope's words. I had always known he was smart, sharp, but now I was seeing him in a new light. It was disorienting—especially with everything that had been going on with Rafe. I wasn't ready to confront whatever this was.

As the night wore on, the Pogues settled into their usual sleepover routine. JJ turned on a movie, and we all crowded onto the couch. The flickering lights of the TV cast a soft glow over the room as we laughed and joked. But underneath the surface, I couldn't stop thinking about Pope. His words, his gaze, everything felt more... intense tonight.

At one point, during a particularly stupid scene in the movie, I felt a warm presence next to me. Pope had shifted closer, his arm brushing against mine. It was a simple touch, but it sent an unexpected jolt through me, something that made my pulse quicken in a way I couldn't explain.

"You know," he said quietly, his voice low, "you really did look happy today."

I turned to face him, catching the glimmer of something in his eyes—something unspoken, something I couldn't ignore. "I was," I replied softly, my heart fluttering. "I'm just... trying to figure things out, you know?"

He nodded, his gaze still locked with mine. "I get it. But you don't have to do it alone, Jules. You never have to do it alone."

The sincerity in his voice hit me harder than I expected. It made me feel understood, like he saw me—not just the surface, but the mess inside that I kept hidden from everyone else.

I swallowed, my throat dry. "Thanks, Pope. That... that means a lot."

He smiled, but there was something more in the curve of his lips, something that made my stomach flutter. Before I could say anything else, the moment was broken by JJ's loud voice from the front of the room.

"Are we going to watch the movie or what? Or are we just going to sit here and talk about feelings all night?"

We all chuckled, the awkwardness momentarily forgotten as the movie resumed. But the energy in the room had shifted. I was hyper-aware of Pope sitting next to me, the space between us no longer innocent. I tried to focus on the movie, on the familiar comfort of the Pogues, but my thoughts kept drifting back to him, to the way his words lingered in the air, to the way his touch had made my skin burn.

The rest of the night went by in a blur of laughter, teasing, and the usual shenanigans. But I couldn't shake the feeling that something had changed. The line between friendship and something more had blurred, and now I was standing on the edge, unsure whether to cross it.

When the movie finally ended and everyone started settling in for bed, I lingered on the couch for a moment longer, unsure of what to do. I could feel Pope's gaze on me from across the room, but when I looked up, he was already turned away, pretending to be asleep.

The weight of everything hung heavy in the air, and I couldn't help but feel guilty. I couldn't deny the chemistry between us, but at the same time, my heart still belonged to someone else—or at least, I thought it did.

I sighed, pulling the blanket tighter around me. Maybe I was overthinking this. Maybe it was just a moment, just a little too much tension. But deep down, I knew something had shifted. And now, I had to figure out what to do with it.

As I closed my eyes, the sounds of the Pogues settling in for the night filled the room. But all I could hear was the thrum of my heart, racing faster than it should.