birthday

Chapter 11: Heart Ache

It was all flooding back to him. It was too much. His entire life stormed into his mind. He couldn't handle it.

The memories, the pain, the guilt, the shame, the heartbreak. The betrayal. Every single moment was etching itself into Blaze's mind. Too much.

No, no NO!

He couldn't do this. Not in front of them. They betrayed him, how many times? Too many to count. Weren't they brothers? What did Blaze ever do to them? He didn't get it. He didn't get anything.

He didn't get Angin

He didn't get Daun

He didn't get Cahaya

He didn't get Tanah

He didn't get Petir

He didn't get Air.

Air was his twin, he should get him.

But he didn't.

He didn't understand what he had done to them, why Cahaya did that, why Gempa was cold, why Taufan and Duri didn't trust him. Were they really his brothers?

No, they weren't.

Blood related yes, but in heart?

The answer was a cruel nope. But it shone with truth. His heart told him to forgive and forget. But his brain said otherwise. So… which would he choose?

"Api? Do you remember us?" Tanah asked, concerned, placing a comforting hand on Blaze's. Blaze slowly shifted his hand away.

He needed to concentrate. He couldn't do this here. He was not having a panic attack. He needed to go. Somewhere quiet.

A name flashed across his mind.

Chickens.

They were his first friends. Blaze loved goofing around with them, even if they couldn't understand him. And they were there, always.

He needed them now.

They comforted him more than Air ever could. Because…..

They were there for him.

When Blaze needed his brothers the most, he was shunned away. He got the distinct feeling that they hated him sometimes, even Air.

And that hurt so much. He didn't feel the need to live. Joy had been completely sucked out of his life after they joined TAPOPS. His brothers were colder, crueler, distant and easily irritated.

But the chickens were there for him. And he needed them, NOW.

He threw off the blanket, Gempa recoiling in shock. He didn't have many tubes or stuff connected to him, and he easily ripped them off, dashing down the corridor and banging into a surprised looking Yaya.

"I'm sorry, Yaya!" he called, as Yaya stood rooted to the ground. "Eh! Come back Boboiboy Blaze!" Gopal shouted, sounding panicked. "Yeah loh! Your brothers will kill us!" Ying agreed, sprinting after him.

Blaze didn't look back and continued running. Away from his problems. Away from everything.

His heart was beating wildly, not ready for the sudden rush of adrenaline. His brain screamed, go, go go! But at the same time, struggling to stay up.

His legs were cramping up, moving weakly and with effort. His brain was running around widely, telling him to stop, telling him to go, telling him to succumb to darkness, telling him to continue trying. He couldn't right now.

It was too much. He was now officially out of the hospital. Where was he? It was pitch black outside, the last trace of a gleaming moon swallowed by ominous clouds. The faint, blinking lights of the hospital slowly disappeared as Blaze continued on, hobbling. He felt a sense of Deja Vu.