Harry Styles, a secret service agent working for British intelligence is tasked with finding the killer after a series of brutal but calculated murders across Europe. His mind is sharp, he's smart, arrogant and works with a precision that leaves no...
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Winter
The past two days were like a blur of nothing but avoidance and exhaustion.
I'd been with Pearl and Zayn for two nights. I hadn't meant to stay the first night, but my body gave out before I could even think of leaving. We'd been watching a movie on the couch in their bedroom and I'd fallen asleep. She left me to rest, tucking me under a blanket. I stayed all of the next day too, hiding in their apartment like it was a sanctuary. It was easier to exist in this bubble than to face whatever was waiting for me back at Harry's flat.
I knew I was meant to go back the first night, backby dark as he had asked, and I agreed. He would have been expecting me, but I couldn't bring myself to go back the next morning after accidentally falling asleep. Not after everything that was said between us.
Every word that had been exchanged between us still rang in my ears, over and over. Everything I said, every snide comment I made, everything I said to push him away. And what he said. How he thought I was selfish. How he thought I was a bad person. He said he wanted me to come back, but it was impossible to believe him after everything he said.
I'd never had to try and hold onto someone before, it wasn't something I ever did, or wanted to do. Why would Harry be any different? I was only staying with him because he felt bad for me, and because I was the only thing that could get him close for his investigation.
So I stayed for a second night with Pearl and Zayn, avoiding the problem, hoping it would eventually go away. The feeling gnawed at me relentlessly, an anxious flutter of wondering whether he was gone for good. It was a weight I wanted rid of, a vulnerability I couldn't carry anymore, not when this was the consequence of that. I never thought I'd get close enough to someone to experience this feeling.
They knew the reason, and let me stay without question. It wasn't abnormal for me to stay with them for days at a time. I'd spent countless nights at their flat before my life went to shit. I wanted to pretend everything was normal. I'd never met Harry, I was still working, and everything was fine. Everything was the way it should be. Zayn cooked dinner, Pearl put on a movie, and I let myself sink into the illusion that everything was fine. I needed that, even if it was a lie.
Which brought me to now, sitting across from Pearl in a too-bright, too-crowded coffee shop, my hands wrapped around the mug to keep me warm. She had been chatting about something light, grinning and rambling about everything I'd missed in the time I'd not seen her.
As she spoke, I knew she was waiting, trying to find the opportunity to discuss what I'd been avoiding since we first spoke about it. Both Zayn and Pearl had been dancing delicately around the subject of Harry, something I didn't want to talk about at all.
I could feel her concern over the past two days, and now as she spoke, her eyes darted across my face that I knew was expressing exactly how I felt. I felt the concern, but didn't want to let it in. I wanted to keep pretending. Pretending that my chest wasn't aching with this feeling, pretending that I wasn't terrified that one small decision had ruined everything.
