Evangeline (Unedited)

26

E M B A R R A S S M E N T
(Happy reading, sorry it sucks!)

Purpose—something I've been told everybody has, yet for some reason, I can't seem to find my own. My towel runs over my body, absorbing the remaining water from my shower. I avoid looking in the mirror as I gather my clothes from the marble floor, walking to the door of my bathroom and tossing them on the foot of my bed. I collapse into the bed, sighing.

I had been pondering that a lot lately. While everyone was doing something every day, I was doing nothing. Purpose was such a funny concept to me; the idea that everyone, even me, was put on Earth for some reason and only the lucky ones, I guess, get to find out—even if it's not true—what that purpose is. I didn't understand how people decided what theirs was, or if it was influenced by some greater power. All I knew was that if purpose existed, my brothers all seemed to have theirs whether it was with their careers, extracurriculars, or their family. And I was just here. Existing a couple of steps behind them.

Leo and Noah were having their friends over today. I was nervous. I wasn't good around teenagers. I love the elderly and children, but teenagers are the one age group I just can't seem to connect with. Hence why I had no actual friends. Anyway, they both told me that I was welcome to come say 'hi'—Noah begrudgingly, while Leo even went as far as inviting me to hang out with him. I was sure I'd end up just barricading myself in my bed with a book and some chips. But I was certainly curious.

Apparently, most of Leo's friends met through one another and had a lot in common so just stayed together for lunches and stuff, whereas Noah's friends had accumulated through hockey, which he is apparently very good at, and enjoys greatly. I didn't get it. Sports. Athleticism. It was certainly never my strong suit and being surrounded by boys who just love to play sports and get rowdy, I was reminded of it constantly. My usual comfort with my own little world of reading and comfort was consistently disturbed by the thought that the one thing that they all bonded over seemed to slip by me too. I wondered if there was any aspect of me that was remotely close to them.

A light knock on my door makes me jump, and I mark my chapter with my bookmark.

"Yes?" I accidentally rasp out, clearing my throat when the door opens. Leo walks in and peeks his head around the corner.

"Hey." He smiles sheepishly.

"Hi," I say back, furrowing my eyebrows. He looks behind him and then back at me, his hands against the wall as he holds himself against it.

"I just wanted to let you know that they're here." He explains his intrusion. "Well, my friends are. Noah will probably be coming later. Not that you have to meet them. Or my friends. But you're welcome to." He rambles, making me crack a grin. "I'd like you to."

"I..." I close my mouth trying to come up with the right response. "I'll think about it."

He stares at me and my book before nodding and turning on his heels, closing the door behind him.

Maybe I did want to meet them. No matter how anxious I am, no matter how socially awkward I am, I can feel in my stomach the constriction when it comes to my social life, and desperately want to loosen it. I was so used to being by myself that sometimes I forgot how to talk to people, and while my brothers attempt to talk to me, when they remember I am here, and as much as Sandro and Tommy try to get the others to hang out with me more, they just don't. I don't take it personally. They don't know me. I don't know them. But it gets repetitive and boring. I am practically crawling out of my skin to escape.