Evangeline (Unedited)

28

B A G S
(I am so sorry about my inactivity lately. I'm hoping that once the stress dies down I'll be able to write more. Thanks for the patience :( This is a bit of a hard one to follow along, but enjoy reading anyways!)

Alessandro has interrogated me more than once about the woman, the happenings in the convenience store and also at the park. I didn't know what he wanted, but I could tell whatever information I was giving him wasn't helping. Or, wasn't easing the pressure he was seemingly feeling.

Leo and Noah haven't spoken to me. I can't tell if they're mad at me or just upset in general, but either way, I don't think it would ease my guilt for ruining their plans. I did notice that the older boys were around me more. I have gotten to know Theo and Andreas more than I did before, and honestly, they're both very calm and very quiet. It's refreshing.

I slurped the final bits of my milk out of the cereal bowl, putting it down and contemplating my next move for a couple of minutes. My hands automatically pick up the bowl and I head to the sink, rinsing it before shoving it in the dishwasher. I loved having a dishwasher. My old house didn't, and I washed everything by hand. Somehow, it always felt like the second I finished, there was another dish to be washed.

I looked around the empty living room. No matter how many people lived in the penthouse, the emptiness seemed to follow me everywhere I went. Every time I woke up in the middle of the night, it was the sleep paralysis in the corner of my bedroom. Every time I slipped up in conversation, and said something that made everyone look away awkwardly, it was clutching my lungs in its hands. I couldn't do anything to stop it, but I wanted to fill it. Get rid of it. I walked to my bedroom, eyes wafting around again. My eyes landed on the part of my bag I had yet to unpack.

Without thinking, without berating myself for always thinking about it, without not letting myself feel it, I opened it up. I pulled out a navy blue t-shirt with a dinosaur on it. It didn't fit me as oversized as it used to. But for some reason, I didn't care if the neckline was too tight, if the chest sat awkwardly over my own. I took off my sweater and pulled the shirt over my head. And then I started laughing. Because it really, really smelled like him. And then I started crying, but the laughing didn't subside. It was like his sick way of telling me to stop taking his clothes. Make me laugh and cry, makes me look insane.

"Hey—woah." I feel a presence rush beside me, a hang on my back as my hair blows with the quickness of whoever's movement. I wipe my eyes, sniffling as I look beside me. Leo was crouched down beside me. Finally, I was able to calm down. I had no idea what made me laugh so hard but it felt nice. Relieving. Like the feeling you get after someone finally stops tickling you and you can breathe again. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm okay." I sigh, holding the shirt over my mouth. It was weird that the smell didn't surround me anymore. Usually, he was everywhere. Even after he died back home. But he never stepped foot in this penthouse, there was no trace of him anywhere. A momentary silence falls over the two of us, and I sit fully on my butt, my knees rising in front of me. Leo pushed himself beside me.

"I guess I was right." He breaks the silence, making me look at him.

"Huh?" I question with a strange grin.

He shakes his head. "It's like the universe calls me to you when you cry, huh?"

"I guess so." I shrug, reaching for one of Elio's stuffed animals. I hold it tightly, scrunching its natty fur between my fingers. "Thank you."

"For?"

"Being here. I've never had someone care this much. Not since Elio." I tell him, making eye contact.