Evangeline (Unedited)

30

D I R T Y L A U N D R Y
(Thirtieth chapter! I hate this one, so I hope you guys can bear it. Happy reading!)

"What do you mean?" I respond, taking a step back without realizing it. Lukas' eyes soften in the mirror when he sees, and he sighs, turning around to face me.

"I'm not going to hurt you."

"That's... what they're lying about?" Confusion fills my tone and he chuckles, shaking his head.

"No. Definitely not." He closes his eyes, shaking his head as he looks to the ground for a moment. "I just... I won't hurt you. I know Tommy is... worried, but he's never liked me. He's a fuckin' liar, all of them are."

"What, pray tell, are we lying about, Lukas?"

An involuntary squeal leaves my mouth as I jump, Alessandro standing in the doorway. He walks forward, hand resting on my shoulder as he faces his brother.

"I do believe I told you not to bother anybody until the morning."

"I guess I just couldn't help myself." He snorts, walking past me, automatically shoving me aside. He and Alessandro make eye contact, and I can't quite decipher what it means. Lukas leaves my view, yet I can't help staring at the spot where he did.

"I'm sorry," Alessandro tells me quietly, staring at the empty doorway like me.

"Don't be." I look up at him. His nostrils were flared, tongue poking against his cheek. He inhales, shaking his head before turning his attention toward me. "Are you... okay?"

For my entire life, I've been taught that intense emotions make you weak. And while I've never wholeheartedly agreed, I can't help that idea being written into my head—that feelings are a nuisance, that nothing mental takes precedence over my physicality. I learned to shove my emotions down my throat along with the arid food my mother made for me, pour my inner problems like water into the plants I put in the soil, escaped everything in between that by reading whatever I could get my hands on, by ignoring the nature of my existence. It's funny, really. No matter how much my mind and body were shaped into thinking it, kneaded into avoiding my emotions, properly taught that if I ignored it, I was stronger and it would disappear, I am the biggest emotional wreck that I know. Perhaps that was why I was so uncomfortable, so shocked when Alessandro—my most put-together, valiant, intimidating brother—broke down in front of me. His hand rushed to his mouth to muffle the sounds. My face contorted in concern.

"I'm... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked." I try to make it better, make him stop. I was hypocritical to be so desperate for him to stop considering the amount of times I had cried in front of Leo—which was embarrassing in itself. I feel guilty that they've all been so understanding and good at comforting me, yet I couldn't even bear the courage to give Sandro an acceptable response.

"No, no." He shakes his head, sniffling as he inhales shakily. "I just... Don't worry. You didn't do anything. Goodnight, Evie."

He leaves the room, closing the door behind him. I stare, frozen in place. I look down at myself, at my hands, squeezing themselves over and over again. My nails were wrung for blood, shortened and uneven as they usually were.

I hoped Alessandro was okay. I hoped Lukas was okay, too. I hoped Tommy was okay. I wanted everyone to be okay, to be happy, and I hated that I couldn't fix it. I couldn't fix them. I couldn't fix Elio either.

I lay down in bed, but I can't sleep. I toss and turn until the sun begins to rise, my stomach growling. I can't tell if it's hunger or nerves, but I know it was uncomfortable.

I finally fall asleep around 5 am, only to wake up at 7 am when Leo and Noah come barging into my room.

"Evie, Evie!" Leo shakes me roughly. I grimace and groan, but still sit up. "Lukas is home."