the best way to be ruined

1:21 am

We were told to stay silent because some words were meant to rot in our mouths forever. You don't believe in silence. You don't believe in those words. You don't fuckin believe in forever. So you won't keep your mouth shut. So you won't make love to me quietly. I can hear your thoughts 'cos they're too loud and there's no way I can sleep. I cannot sleep because you haven't touched me tonight. It seems wrong. I hear your thoughts and they say,'there are nights when our bodies are not supposed to be together because you're just so warm and i'm burning and it's not a good fire. it hurts. but i don't love you any less tonight'. In the morning we spend half of our day just sleeping or perhaps pretending to be sleeping til 11am and it's time for you to run. I can't bring myself to get up 'cos I spent last night just listening to your dreams and watching you breathe. I like flowers. I like bugs and anything with life, anything i can destroy with my hands but wouldn't because the world doesn't seem magical without them. I fear you'd leave and I fear you'd forget easily. You're good at it or at least we're different. I'm not a moss so I wouldn't find home just anywhere else. You're home but there are moments when I feel on vacation, when i just want to run away. Leaving seems to be a dream I need to fulfill. Yet right now, I don't want to be anywhere else but here. Right here where the sun is not for mornings alone. Where you are. Where life is kind and forgiving.