Flight Risk

46 - The Rocket Research Range

Our second stop was at the golf balls, which were an old radar station built in the sixties to oversee the rocket range. It seemed unimaginable now that they'd launch rockets out in polar bear country next to a national park and this near to a town, but here it was.

Since the Northern Lights weren't as active, we only slowed before continuing to the old rocket range area.

"You'll miss this when you leave, won't you?" Caleb stared out the window as if the lights would brighten with his interest.

My stomach shifted, and I swallowed, hoping my palms didn't sweat buckets to betray my discomfort.

Did he sense my contemplations about our future? Had he overheard Yannick and me talking? That didn't seem likely given the distance and his interest in photography.

"Yeah, it can really be incredible."

He rested his head on my shoulder. "I'm so glad we get to do this together."

"Me too."

I slowed my breathing to a resting rhythm, matching Caleb's.

"Are you okay? You've been quiet."

I could chalk it up to tiredness. All the signs were there, but I'd spent so much of this trip putting off these conversations and stewing in the anxiety that it seemed like a topic we should discuss.

"Just thinking about the future."

"Having second thoughts?"

I shook my head. "I'm trying not to be so melancholic about these last moments of our trip."

"They're the opening scenes of our life together. But I know what you mean." He let go of my hand and ran his palms across his pants. "I don't want to make promises I can't keep, but if I can, I'll fly out to visit you sooner in Labuan Bajo."

The lump in my throat was like a jagged rock, tearing at flesh with each movement.

"Or I don't have to," he mumbled to himself. To his credit, he didn't detach himself from me like I would do with the thought of rejection.

"I want you to, but..." I massaged my forehead and glanced at the lights that had gone quiet. "I don't make much money in Indonesia. It'll take a long time to earn the five or nine thousand dollars for whatever visa I decide on."

Caleb sat up to meet my gaze. His voice came out faster and shakier than usual. "I didn't mean to freak you out with the visa. I wasn't implying anything by mentioning it or looking it up. Sometimes I'm curious, and I wanted to answer your question before considering what you might think about my having looked it up."

"It's sweet you looked into it, and if I ever got married, doing it to beat the system would be a good reason."

"So I didn't scare you off?" His eyes were as wide as a harvest moon.

"No, I've been considering if Indonesia is the right place to return to now that I want to be in Australia a lot longer than I'd expected."

"I can lend you money. You shouldn't have to give up your job for us."

"I don't need to owe you any more money, Caleb."

"You don't owe me anything."

"Who paid for the other half of this trip?"

"That's not important. I invited you with no financial expectations."

"Caleb, I plan on repaying you so you can give that money back to Lily or your parents or whoever footed this bill. I need to come to Australia on my terms and by getting myself there."