Home is who you are

Part Five

5

"What should I wear?" Gabi asked, looking frustrated and pulling out outfits from the closet. She had to get rid of half her clothes before moving to Belgium. She never had many clothes anyway and a lot of them didn't fit anymore.

"Nothing special, it's just a drink." Tony was ready and zapped the TV absent-minded.

"How are they?"

"Who?"

"Your friends."

"Normal. Gab, relax. We're going to a bar. Just put something comfortable and warm on and look your usual adorable self."

My usual adorable self. Where is she, by the way? Gabi sighed, put on jeans and a sweater and tied her hair up in a knot.

When they arrived, three of Tony's colleagues were already drinking at the back of the café. It was a small place and every table was taken but it felt cozy somehow. There were vintage beer advertisements on the walls, a couple of mirrors and they played low, soft music.

They all greeted and introduced themselves. Tony went to the bar to get them some beer and they resumed their conversation in French. He came back with two different glasses and she noticed their friends had different ones as well. Hers looked like an upside-down bell and was filled with a golden liquid. Tony had a dark brown beer served in a bowl-glass with a golden rim. Later on Gabi learned that almost every beer in Belgium is supposed to be drunk from a special glass – they bring out the flavor.

The table was complete a few minutes later: they were seven in total, some expatriates and some Bruxellois. Everybody spoke at the same time and Gabi could only pick up a few words. So much for trying to learn French before coming. They didn't talk this fast on the CDs.

"Do you understand anything?" The woman sitting next to her asked. She was about forty, wore heavy eye makeup and a little too much perfume. Gabi could smell cigarettes as well.

"A little. Not really."

"You'll learn. I'm Vivienne, you must be Tony's wife."

"Gabriela." They smiled and nodded, as to say 'Nice meeting you'. "Are you from here?"

"Born and raised." She took a sip of her red beer. "How do you like Bruxelles?"

"It's a nice city. We haven't been here long, though."

"You will get used to it. Maybe come to like it. But you cannot compare it to New York, can you?"

"No, they're special in different ways."

"Or Brésil? I heard it's really nice there. I want to go one day."

"You should. It's a great place for holidays."

"What did you do before, for work?"

"I was a lawyer."

"Oh, it must have been hard to leave! But you did it for a good man, didn't you? Are you looking for work here?"

Gabi blushed. "No, I will learn French first. Then I'll see." It was her turn to take a big sip of her beer. It was a strong one and she could already feel it fogging her head.

"Don't you get lonely? I would be bored to tears if I didn't do anything all day. If you want we can go shopping some time."

"Hum... that's nice of you. I actually don't mind staying home. And I'm going to start French classes soon." Who says I don't do anything all day? No way can I endure a shopping trip with this one.

"Trés bien! We must soon speak only French, then."

"Let's see-"

"Oui, on va voir!"

Just when Gabi was searching for an excuse to stop talking to Vivienne, someone across the table started telling a story that caught her attention. Gabi sighed with relief for a moment, when the same person said, "Oh, we should probably speak English so that Tony and Gabi can follow." And someone else immediately replied, "But how else will they learn?" And then Tony said, "Don't worry about us, we'll try to keep up" and Gabi excused herself to go to the restroom.

They must think I'm lazy and just stay home all day in my pajamas. Or spend all of Tony's money on clothes. Oh, God. They're thinking I'm just a trailing wife. Nobody but the wife. Trailing after him. Smiling and being polite. I didn't even want to come tonight. But how else am I going to make friends? I can't hide in the apartment forever. Why are they so rude and only speak French? I should get a job. But I can't. No, I should study. But what? What am I going to do with my life?

Her head spun. She noticed tears welling in her eyes and took very deep breaths. She was still standing in the toilet stall, staring at the door full of posters. You'll be fine Gabriela. It's just adaptation. Remember America? Relax. Breathe. Wow, that was a hell of a strong beer. I should eat something.

She washed her hands and walked back to the table. Vivienne was sitting on her chair and talking to Tony. Way too close. Gabi came up and touched him on the shoulder, leaning in to say she was tired and hungry.

Vivienne took notice of something in Gabi's voice. "Are you okay, dear? You sound distressed."

"I'm fine. Just hungry."

"You'll have to get used to Belgian beers, darling. Next time, have dinner first."

They said "Au revoir", "It was nice to meet you" and "Let's do it again" in the general direction of the table and they made their way out and nobody really protested.

Tony and Gabi grabbed a kebab on the way, sat on a bench and tried their best not to drop too much meat or salad – or grease for that matter. After a few minutes Gabi swallowed, inhaled sharply and said, "I miss having friends. Close friends, like I had back home. We used to hang out a lot at each other's homes and talk about the silliest and the deepest things. And hug. I miss hugging."

"Do you need one now?" Tony got up and opened his arms. Gabi nodded, put her arms around his waist and rested her head on his chest. They stood there for a while. Gabi fought back tears and realized she pressed what remained of her kebab on the back of his coat.

"Tony, what am I going to do?"

"I think you were about to kiss me."

"Silly!" She pecked him on the lips. "I mean with my life. What am I supposed to be?"

"I wish I could help you honey, but that's something only you can figure out."

"I don't want to be a nobody forever!"

"Who says you're a nobody? You're wonderful and I love you." He held her face gently. "You're strong and hard-working. You're great to your family and friends. You're so smart! And don't forget you were a lawyer once and you can still be anything you choose to be."

***