Home is who you are

Part Six

6

The weather was particularly dreadful that morning. Rain and snow alternated and the sky was so clouded Gabi doubted she would ever see the sun again. To make things worse, the heating system didn't seem to be working well. She would let her husband deal with that.

She wrapped herself in a blanket, made some mint tea and cuddled up on the couch watching cartoons in French. She was coming down with a cold and felt miserable. She knew she had some difficult months ahead of her. She knew this was an amazing opportunity for Tony and maybe for her as well. She knew she would figure things out. And yet at that moment she was just desolate. She missed her family. She missed America and being able to communicate everywhere she went.

I wish we could just be kids forever. This whole business of being an adult is too hard. Maybe I should have just stayed home and held on to that boring job. I know so many conformed people who seem so content! But then I wouldn't be with Tony. Can't have everything, can we?

Gabi changed channels and watched an episode of Bob l'éponge. She decided it was a great way to learn and would do it every day. Our children will be at least bilingual. Maybe we'll teach them French too. If I can have kids...

She waved the thought out of her mind, got up and sat at her computer. There was a message from Íris, one of her closest friends in Brazil, asking to skype as soon as possible. There was also a message from Claire saying she had been offered a better job in DC, but she didn't want to leave New York City. Ever. They both hoped she was doing well in Brussels. Íris and Claire were pretty much her only friends now, apart from her sisters.

How hard can it be to find something I enjoy working with? She typed "Brussels Universities" and hit search. "Université Libre de Bruxelles, Vrije Universiteit Brussel. Dutch looks hard! I wonder if they offer courses in English. Hogeschool Brussel, Brussels Business School, no thank you. Why am I talking to myself?"

She opened one of the pages, clicked on Study in English and browsed through the courses, as she had done so many times back in Brazil and in the US. She read the descriptions and the career opportunities but nothing really interested her.

I'm almost thirty. I can't sit at a university for another four years!

"You have so much potential, Gabriela. You can get into any university you want." All her teachers used to say.

"Get your Law degree, pass a government exam and you'll have a stable job for as long as you want. But keep studying and in a few years you can become a judge!" Her dad had told her. He was a judge himself and now her older sister was a prosecutor.

She had done everything she had been told. Not because she was weak or stupid, but because she had no idea what to do instead. She went to university, had perfect grades and got a government job a few months after graduating. For a while she even fooled herself that she enjoyed it. She bought a car and was considering buying an apartment when she decided to go on a trip instead. And that's when she met Tony.

Leaving home and marrying him had been the most daring thing she had done all her life. She was sure about their love, but she'd been conflicted about everything else: her father was so disappointed that he barely spoke to her, she hadn't had a steady job in two years and she didn't want anything to do with law anymore. She shut her laptop, went back to the couch and just lay there with her eyes closed.

A few days later her phone rang. It was Vivienne. She stared at it for a while, trying to think of any reason she wouldn't be able to do whatever it was Vivienne was going to ask. She could not think of a good one and panicked.