Home is who you are

Part Nineteen

19

"Thank you again for doing this. I'll only stay a little while." Gabi said for the hundredth time.

"Stay as long as you need." Monica reassured her. She saw a framed picture on Gabi's nightstand. "You looked so different."

"Thin and radiant, yeah. That's one of our engagement pictures."

"I've never seen you smile like that. Your eyes..."

Gabi took the frame and brushed her fingers over the picture. "I was truly happy at that moment. I had no idea..." she sighed.

"What changed?"

"I lost myself, I guess. I've been in this... fog for almost three years."

"Wasn't it a happy marriage?"

"It was. Tony was great. But I felt bad for leaving everyone and everything behind, you know? It's like I didn't have a life of my own anymore."

"Uh-huh."

"I constantly worried about making my own money and about figuring out my path."

"Did he pressure you to find work?"

"No, never. I pressured myself. That stressed me out. I was unhappy and then guilty because I should be grateful for such a good life, you know?"

They finished packing. One suitcase with clothes, shoes and toiletries would be enough for a while.

"And now this. Just when I thought it would get better."

"You know what? Things always work out for the best. You will see."

"I hope so." She took the pregnancy test from her purse. "Now just one more thing."

"What are you hoping for?"

"I really don't know."

Gabi went to the bathroom and peed on the stick. She came back, sat on the bed next to Monica and waited. It was negative. She could breathe again.

She stayed with Monica and Jonas for two weeks before she agreed to see Tony. She didn't have much money left, so she had to decide things fast. She had talked with someone at the Embassy and learned all about the divorce procedure. She would lose the right to stay in the country, but she was okay with that. Home seemed like a pretty good idea.

She never thought they would split up. Not this soon. She thought it would feel like a failure, as if it was her fault for not trying harder. But it was nothing like that. It felt okay. She was calm. For the first time in years, she was sure about something.

"Hi, so glad you came." Tony kissed her on the cheek. "Come in."

"How are you?" Gabi asked.

"I miss you. You look great."

"Thanks."

"Uh... would you like something to drink?"

"No, thanks. I won't be long."

"Right. So... have you thought about it?"

"Yes, I have."

"Do you think we could work it out? Do you think you can forgive me?"

"No. I'm sorry, I can't."

"Please, Gabi, it was only a mistake."

"Why?"

"I don't know."

She sighed and fell silent. She looked around the messy apartment.

"I really hoped we could try again."

"I wish it had worked out in the first place."

More silence. Gabi thought she smelled cigarettes.

"What do you want to do then?"

"The procedure is quite simple."

"I can't believe this."

"You didn't expect it to be any different, did you? How could I ever trust you again? How could I ever make love to you knowing you had done it with someone else?"

"I'm sorry I hurt you. But we all make mistakes. You were so absorbed in figuring out your shit that I always came second. We hardly had sex anymore!"

"And that's why you found it somewhere else, you fucking cheater? Look, I came here to arrange everything in the smoothest way possible, not to be accused or blamed."

"Gabi, I don't want to fight."

"Neither do I."

"Will you be okay? Do you need money?"

"I'm fine. I'll send you the papers."

"I'm sorry."

"Me too. We both deserve better."

***