He loves me, he loves me not

Not so real

"Finally!"
"Im so sorry, Blake." He said rather sadly.
"What?"
"I honestly think you need to talk to Natasha."
"What? Why? Tell me why." I began to get worried, leo sounded sturn. He sounded almost angry.
"I'm seeing her tomorrow." I said and he hung up again, leaving me in tension and pure worry.

The school bell rang its usual shocking loud ring. Alicia and Were making out way to first period (biology),
"leo rang me last night." I said.
"Yeah, and?" She replied, us both stopping just before entering the classroom.
"Well he sounded all, like, worried. He told me to talk to Natasha."
"Natasha McCarthy?"
"Im guessing so."
Alicia just shrugged and pointed over to where Natasha stood, beside her desk applying bright red lipgloss.
We sat down in our usual places for maths. Down to convenience, i was beside Natasha in all three sciences. "Natasha!" I said, dropping my books onto the desk next to her and collapsing onto the chair, "tell me, now."
"What?" SHe replied. "Wait-"
"Leo told me to talk to you. Tell me whats needed to be told."
"He is such an idiot, oh my lord." She rolled her eyes and turned away from me. Before she could budge, i grabbed her forearm and turned her back to face me; she sighed. "Now." I said, sturnly.
"Okay. You know Johnny. I mean, of course you do..." She looked down upon her fiddling hands.
"Yes I do." ...
Natasha was a pretty girl. She was there in my year, only five days younger than me but a little taller and very, very slim. She wore quite a bit of makeup but seemed naturally pretty. She also seemed to know a lot of boys from other schools, but not many from our school. You know that small lunch table besides ours where those four girls sat? She wasn't one of them, suprisingly. She hung around with a more, lets say, alternative group of friends who ate their lunch in a classroom in the building across from the canteen. I thought that she was within this group to give her a chance of leadership or attention - that seemed to be her kind of character.

"I need to show you something." She stuttered, "its a recording. I took it from when I was talking to Johnny over the phone. I was with Katherine and we were just kinda investigating and-"
"Just show me please." I replied, becoming more frustrated.
So she did, she played a recording of a short conversation between her and the person I seemed to be in some kind of love with. It started with her asking about me...
Do you like Blake then?
Yes. Well kind of-
So you don't?
I dont know what i feel okay? I used to like her.
Not anymore?
I used to like her more, now she's getting kind of clingy and sometimes its annoying. i think I should tell her, should i? I prefer being alone.
Wow, this was much of a surprise Johnny!
I shouldn't have said that, don't you dare fucking tell her or anyone. Not even...

Then the recording cut off.
"What?" I said, almost laughing in disgust, "annoying?"
"Im sorry, Blake dont be mad at me." Natasha stepped back and stuffed the phone into her jean pocket. I just stood there and didn't even respond, i just shook my head at glared down at the wooden floor. It had to be false or a sick joke or a prank or just not real somehow? "No." I ran a stiff hand through my loose hair and looked back up at her, a look of horror upon her face as a tear fell down my numb cheek and dripped off my chin. I sniffed and cleared my throat out of bravery; it had come to me that i shouldn't walk back into class crying or looking upset down to the fact that our biology teacher may ask what was wrong. Then i'd have to explain. Then it would all turn stupid like some kind of year 5 argument. I lifted my chin and began to walk down the long, empty corridor and back into the classroom, thats where i realised the several faces looking directly in my direction, "miss daley?" Mr clarke tilted his head and adjusted his glasses whilst looking at me with a puzzled look on his face. "Why are you late?"
"I registered this morning mister Clarke." I replied, my eyes brimmed with tears. Please, please, please dont cry god damn it.
"Sit." He ordered as if i was a breed of dog... i'm no dog. I am not a dog.
"I am not a dog." I blurted, how absolutely stupid of me to say...
"Excuse me?" He responded, standing up right now looking more angry. Several 'ooooh' s and chuckled emerged from the classroom and I walked over to my desk and took a seat. "Elizabeth Daley," he said (unfortunately i decided not to alter my name until the beginning of year 8), "detention at lunch, in my office."

I guess for the rest of the day, other than when i was forced to, i didn't speak to anyone at all. I just sat there, even in Mr. clarke's office, and felt numb and emotionless and somewhat empty. Luckily, i didn't have mathematics or art that day and i wasn't sat at our table at lunch so i hadn't glimpsed Johnny all day. I still missed his face, tough. is this what love felt like?
Finally, someone asked me why i was so silent. For the entire day i received un nerving stares and weird looks as if i had toilet paper stuck to my ass. Alicia asked. I explained everything i could to my best friend. She hugged me until I could've suffocated, she wiped my tears and attempted multiple times to cheer me up. I couldn't smile, even though I was right there with one of my favourite persons. This relationship I had so quickly formed with Johnny had evaporated so quickly down to his unsure feelings. i guess id rather know about this than not know, imagine, id probably never have found out if it weren't down to leo.

I sat down in a deep, hot, bubbly bath and tried to relax. As i looked up from the water, i noticed one of my mum's razors sat on the edge of the bath and i sighed deeply. I brought my hand to my head and ran it through my dampened hair, thinking about my past. That sounds cheesy, but the past year of my life was maybe the hardest thing i had to go through. Addiction really got to me, i wasn't addicted to drugs or alcohol or cigarettes, but i was addicted to harming myself on the outside to try and cure the hurt on my inside. It was what i thought would work and i soon realised i was just adding more problems to my already developed ones. Being addicted to that reminded me of my current addiction
Johnny Adam Depp.