He loves me, he loves me not

Survival

As i stepped slowly out into the cold air of january, everything already seemed to remind me of him. The small, wooden benches stood each on a small patch of grass brought back memories of that kiss that meant everything to me - (but still seemed to mean absolutely nothing to him). Even the bitter breeze that blew through my hair reminded me pf those winter days in which we would meet up and spend just hours together. I knew that id never felt this way before about someone, it was all different this time to the last. Was there even a last? The last was more of a kiss and run, or maybe a snog and run to tell every single member of our school what colour my underwear was.

It was another cold weekend. I needed fresh air, even if it was as freezing as it turned out to be. I was wrapped warmly in a parker coat, with some simple black leggings, a plain black shirt and a burgundy hoodie, a pair of cosy socks and some trainers. I wore no makeup, my hair was loose over my shoulders. Today was one of those days where id just simply do what i pleased... Within reason. I couldn't be bothered to meet up with anyone, not even Alicia; today i just wanted to be alone. It still hurt, after two weeks, everything felt the same. i hadn't seen him since i found out about what happened, and he hadn't even tried to tAlk to me or call me or anything. Id assumed that he'd gotten the picture. I just imagined that maybe he would give a shit that i was upset. Every single one of my friends now disliked him, although before all this all of them agreed on how much pf a gentleman he was. The problem was that Shay, Cameron and Brad all were still utterly obsessed with him for some odd reason; i guess it was the fantasy of making a new friend. Leo, however, seemed to not take sides. I guessed maybe soon it would all be okay, maybe we would forget about everything - god knows how i was going to do that.

I was about to cross a busy road about a mile away from home. I stood on the edge of the pathway, my thoughts drifting away from the real world as if id lost contact with myself. Cars zoomed past me, i didn't move an inch.
"Blake?" I heard a familiar voice echo from behind me.
"Leo, hi." I said, there he stood in front of me.
"What are you doing? Elizabeth," he began, stepping closer to me, "are you okay?"
"Not really." I whispered as he pulled me into a tight hug. He wasn't wearing many layers and looked as if he was freezing to death. His hair looked different, it looked looser and as the wind wafted past it, it danced. His eyes shone an icy blue, the tip of his nose was red and his lips trembled, his teeth chattered. He was wearing a long-sleeved black jumper and a pair of denim jeans. "Is it Johnny? Has he said something."
"No he hasnt, i guess thats the problem." I replied, running my trembling hand through my messy hair. "He hasn't apologised, and he expected to just let out his feelings to a friend of mine without her letting me know."
"Its my fault, i shouldn't have told you-" he tried to blame himself, looking down at the ground with a frown.
"No, Thank you for telling me, seriously." I held his shoulder. "Its my fault. Its my fault i didn't realise before all this shit hit me so hard!"
"You dont deserve this, i mean he isn't the best with girls... I said so before didn't I?" He said, "you still love him.. I mean, ''like him',right?" He never really used the word 'love' to describe a relationship at the age of 16, maybe he just thought of it as soppy or non-exsistant.
"Yes, sadly." I sighed, as we steadily began to walk on across the road and down another frosty pathway. "Its a shame isn't it.?"

One week later, i was sat in class. It was the end of January and still ice cold weather was hitting England. History was my favourite class and we were currently discussing the events of the french revolution, usually leaving me deeply interested in past occurances; today, not even my favourite subject was leaving me interested.
"Honey." Casey nudged my right side and nodded towards the teacher who stood with her hands on her hips right in front of my desk. "Blake Daley. What did i just say?" She questioned me whilst raising one eyebrow. I honestly hadn't paid attention a single thing anyone had said for the whole day at school today. Not my friends, not teachers. Three hours of school had passed and i was pretty sure i hadn't taken in anything. "Im s-sorry. Miss, i just-" i started.
"No. I dont give a damn. We are discussing cause and effect on our topic miss Daley, listen up." I swear every teacher at my school seemed extremely overly strict but then again it was probably me being extremely overly biassed down to the fact that today i was seemingly acting like a total twat...

Usually, when i catch a bus from school (or at anytime actually), i listen to music. I like listening to music loudly so its the only thing i can hear, no distractions. But now it seemed like every single song i flicked through connected with my current events, it was as if they were specially made to suit my feelings or bring a lump to my throat. I couldn't bare to listen to anything! About halfway through a wretched, totally random song in the most depressing playlist that was on my music library, i tugged out both earplugs and slammed them down on the seat next to me. "You alright purple'n'black?" Someone shouted from the back of the bus. Purple'n'black? That was the result of Harvey Green rummaging through my underwear draw and spreading the fact that '80% of my bra's were purple and i had 12 pairs of black knickers'.
"Piss off." I shouted and leaned back into my seat with my arms folded.
I had to get over this, for god's sake i was spending my days being someone i'm not.

It was 11 o'clock in the evening and after deciding to eat nothing for dinner and locking myself in my room, sat on my computer, i decided that i was actually pretty starving and pretty much regretted not eating at six. My parents tended to sleep early. I did not, however, want to think about what was happening within their bedroom currently. I had an older brother who was aged 20 and he still hadn't left home and he also was not in a relationship. His name was Martin (c'mon! Martin and elizabeth?!) and he, according to my close relatives, looked extraordinarily like me. He was obsessed with the gym and eating a lot of protein, not too much alcohol (that usually failed) and not too much fat. He was very muscular and somehow, also very tanned - that was a difference between us. He was obviously still up at eleven, sat on the couch glaring at some reality television show that was too similar to the rest of them. "Lizzy," he yawned, "what you up to?"
"Food." I said bluntly and headed into the kitchen. I opened the fridge and pulled out a punnet of raspberries and a small tub of chocolate mousse - that practically sums up my diet. As i place the fod on the breakfast bar, i notice my phone beside me vibrating violently. The notification on my screen read:

LIA-WHITE237: Hey Blake, i was wondering if you're free on 15th febuary? Im holding a party (invite only) and you could come along with your lot and we could bond! Xxx

BLAKE.D169: Hey! Yes i think i am and ill see if i can pop along with a couple of mates. See you there xox

She was called Lia White, as you had probably noticed. She wasn't from our school but from what i'd heard, she was quite close with leo, but overall seemed to be good friends with boys in general. in my opinion, she was decently pretty; she was around my height, but with brown hair (around my length), brown eyes and a different shaped face. She didn't have any boobs but her gigantic arse made up for it. It was one of those bums that kinda just stuck out randomly.
It seemed that soon to come were two parties in the next three weeks, because as well as this gathering, Casey was having one as it was soon her sixteenth birthday. And it was obvious that as well as him being invited to Casey's, before moving to our school he went to the same as Lia so Johnny was going to both.