He loves me, he loves me not

Forgetting

It was a week after the party last friday, and it'd been a long day at school. You know how sometimes a day can feel as if its lasted a hundred times any other day? That was today. I'd challenged myself recently to attempt to get over the whole 'missing johnny' business and move on... I knew that he wasn't worth it and I wanted, honestly, to give him another chance but i just couldn't risk getting hurt again. I wanted to go out, leave the house as much as possible as I was under a risk of becoming depressed again.

Alicia and I walked out of the school gates, we'd planned to meet up with a few boys later on tonight: leo, Brad and Shay. Tonight and the next night there was a small fair on in our town by the park; we wanted to go this night as tomorrow night was lia's party (not another one!). "Where are we meeting them?" She asked as we sped up our walking. We were simply in our school uniforms plus our usual minimum makeup and both of us had our hair tied up. As we'd spent almost everyday with these people for a long amount of time now, we both felt very comfortable not dressing up to meet them. So we made it into town and sat down on a bench by the riverside, "six right? They need to go back to play video games" i said. But After around only five minutes, a bus stopped nearby and the three of them jumped off. "Hey, Leo!" I shouted and they ran over to us.
"Hey blake, hey Alicia." He said calmly and pulled us both into a hug. "Haven't seen you for ages!" We all laughed and began to stroll over to the fair.

"Oh fucking hell." I moaned, rolling my eyes, "i forgot my money."
"Here." Leo said, holding out his right hand. A ten pound note sat on the palm of his hand, "take it. Ive got another fiver." He put the note in my grasp and winked.
"Aww! You two are adorable, you're like best friends." Alicia grinned, "wish i had a guy friend like that." She whispered into my ear discretely, i guess i dont fully appreciate him sometimes.

We went on multiple rides that were available, there were a couple of huge ones towering over the park and there were also several smaller ones that caused me to feel ultimately dizzy! After about two hours, Brad stopped in his steps. "Jesus christ." He said. As we stood there, in the centre of the fair, four girls walked by and i recognised them. They were extremely made up. Their eyebrows were very defined - almost black (not suiting their hair tones), - their mascara looked very layered and they had obviously put a lot more effort into their appearance than Alicia and I had. They were mostly wearing adidas jackets, with expensive looking tops and high-waisted jeans plus different pairs of nike trainers. For fifteen/sixteen year olds, they looked very ''mature' - maybe looking around 18... "Woahh," shay began, "heyyy excuse me?" He stumbled over to the four and tapped on their shoulders. "Do we know you, because we should. What are your names?"
"Oh, um, I'm Esme and this is Katie, Frankie and Jess!" One of them exclaimed, giggling in the process.
"Im shay, this is leo and this is-"
"Brad!" The one named Katie exclaimed as she strutted towards him and pulled him into a flirtatious, tight hug. The two of them clearly were familiar. "Hey, Katie." He said enthusiastically, "we have been talking over IM."
"Over IM? You've never met?" Leo laughed.
"Wait leo, mate-" brad tried to reply, pushing leo slightly.
"Hey, hey, more importantly mate... Why didn't you tell us?" Leo interrupted, seriously irritating me - not jealousy i promise. The boys started talking to them and so Alicia and I got bored, "ugh." We said, becoming fed up of the girls; we walked off a little, "hey!" Brad shouted over at us, gesturing us to come back but we continued .
Only ten minutes later, the boys returned, sitting next to us down on a large patch of grass besides the fair. "They're hot as fuck. But really dumb, like very dumb." Leo chuckled, putting an arm around me.
"So you haven't asked for all of their numbers then? I mean you're not that shallow right?" I asked.
"Well i didnt, brad and shay did dissapointingly." He joked, smirking at the others. I guess i was wrong.
"What?" They laughed.

We were leaving at six, so we made the most of the rest of our time here. We had pretty much ridden on every single attraction here as there weren't especially many. we were on our way to but some candy floss when All of a sudden, leo tapped me on the back. "Hey blake," he said, "can i ask you something?"
"Yeah sure." I responded, following him to an area covered in trees on the lawn we stood on. He began to speak, explaining to me something that Johnny had told him - or rather, showed him - the other night. An intense feeling took over my body in realisation of what had happened...
Some might say i took the saying YOLO too seriously, and i really took my chances. The other night, when it was late, i was upset. I had been crying for over an hour and i honestly couldn't stop myself from feeling this way - i still missed him and although i'd been trying to hide it, i couldn't keep the emotions from hitting me when i was alone. So i called him.

Hello?
Uhh, hey Blake whats up?
I dont know. I just missed you i guess.
You still-
I still miss you. I want to tell you how i feel.
Blake-
I know we didn't last long but me and you meant so so much to me Johnny. I really loved you, you know? Do you know what love feels like? I mean i cant get rid of it and i think i still love you... Well i certainly still miss you. I miss how we kissed and even how you looked at me. And i miss looking at you, it all seemed so perfect at the time. But you never even took my feelings into consideration. But hey you've probably realised im clingy and stupid and an attention-seeking bitch i guess, yeah? I wish i could stop myself from having feelings, i would do anything to stop missing you for example but i cant.
Okay

He said "okay" after all of that.
"He showed me a recording of it all." Leo said, biting his lip and not even looking at me. I gasped and could feel myself blushing largely... This was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life.