The girl on the bus

Chapter 16: How do i know?

Authors note:
Hello:) I'm sorry I've been inactive for a whole month. School had me drowning in work and I didn't have any time to write. Since it's vacation I managed to write another chapter. Happy holidays 🩷

Tilly

Zed was here. In my bed talking to me. And I was so close to telling him, really close. I got scared though. That Friday, when I saw Kai and Kieran again, I went home and checked Zeds schedule on his gym site, but stumbled across gallery full of photos. At first it was interesting watching all the pictures and trying to find Zed in them but I must have dug to deep, because the picture I saw next made me feel sick. Kai and Zed pictured together in the rink with Kai's arm draped around Zed's shoulder. Are they be friends? Is Zed like him? This can't be true, surely it would have showed by now, right, would he still like me if he knew? I couldn't tell him about Kai after that, they might be friends, and I don't want him to think that I'm weird, or worse, for him to believe Kai. Nope, not letting it happen, so I stayed quiet. He was really kind, and just hung out with me as if nothing happened, I liked that. I felt safe. We fell asleep and he had training in the morning so he left like five minutes ago. I just came back inside after kissing him goodbye only to be greeted by Natan. He must have been waiting for me to come back inside.

"This guy, he looks a bit.." Natan starts when I enter the hallway, but pauses, looking at me.
"What?" I don't need to hear this, I like Zed, a lot, and I don't want to be hurt because of Natan's opinion. At least not now, I really want to be happy even if it's just for a little while.
"Nothing, just please be careful." he eyes me with caution, he feels worried. It's all my fault too.

"I will don't worry" I can still feel Natan's eyes on me, while I walk up the stairs to my room. I have the whole day to myself today, so I should make the best of it I won't let this ruin it. I'm going to take a shower and wash my hair while I'm at it. Picking up some fresh clothes I walk into the bathroom and shut the door behind me.

"You smell amazing" I her my mom behind me while I walk to the kitchen, "yes I just showered"
"I'm glad you're feeling better" she smiles with anticipation "sooo.." she smirks,
"Tell me about him"
"Umm well there really isn't much to tell, he is really nice and funny" I mutter trying to think of what more to say, without telling her too much.
"He is handsome, I'm really happy for you" I feel my face getting hot and red when she says that, "yes I know"
"So you guys meeting any time soon?"
"Meeting?" Is she implying a date? "What do you mean like a date?" I scoff, "mom we are just friends."
"Okay, okay I'm sorry I just thought, he looks at you in a way that made me think... you know what forget it" she smiles patting my shoulder. Looks at me like what? She can't leave me wondering like that. "No please say it" I ask almost too enthusiastically, I'm going to regret this.
"He looks at you with love" she smiles and turns away walking towards the kitchen. Is Zed in love with me?

"What I wanted to say is, that I'm not sure"
"We don't need to rush it, don't worry we don't have to label this immediately"
"Really?"
"Yes, don't stress it, I don't mind being your friend as long as you keep kissing me like that"

That moment keeps spinning in my mind, god im so dumb. I know I like him, a lot, but I'm just scared to go a step further, and I know he wants to but holds back because of me. What if I ruin everything because I'm scared. He will get bored of me eventually I know it. No guy wants to wait forever and I'm dragging this friends thing.

"Want me to drive you to school tomorrow?" Zeds message pops up in my notifications. My heart thumps as I type back my answer, of course I want to go.
"Yes, thank you so much :)" I reply, and he texts back almost immediately
"Okay, see you then baby <3" my heart feels like it's escaping my chest while I read his reply all over again. What do I reply to that? Every possible answer I think of is super corny and makes me cringe. "Honey, babe?" No way. I need help. I need Annie.