Apocrypha

Chapter 29

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us all from unrighteousness."
1 John 1:9

TIMON SOBBED uncontrollably into his hands after he finished retelling his story. The flood of memories was coming nonstop. Everything he had suppressed for the past decades was emerging to the surface.

Gabriel placed his arm around the elderly man's back and brought him closer.

"I fucked up, Gabriel. I didn't listen to the people's warning." Timon muttered. "And now, all of this has happened because of me."

"You can't blame yourself entirely." Gabriel said.

"I can't." Timon replied. "But I still played a part in it. I crafted my life with my own bloody hands."

Gabriel wasn't sure how to reply. Timon was slightly right. The two can relate to being brainwashed and manipulated. However, it was different circumstances. Gabriel was born into that life and knew nothing else. Timon was tricked into believing it.

The only way to lift the guilt is to not focus on what happened. But how to move on from it.

"If Mac was here today, what do you think he'd say?" Gabriel asked Timon.

"I don't know." Timon said.

Then there was a small chuckle.

"He would probably point out how old I have gotten. He used to make fun of me because I had crow's feet even though I was 22." There was a small laugh when he said that. "And he'd be upset because I was still holding onto the watch."

"I don't want to speak for him, but I don't think Mac would want you to beat yourself down for what happened in the past."

Timon glanced at Gabriel. "You'd really think he would think that?"

Gabriel nodded. "I do. Mac loved you and he would wish the best for you. He'd want you to stop thinking it was all your fault." He placed a hand on Timon's leg. "Mac would want you to be happy."

"It's just so hard to forget it all." Timon said.

"No one said anything about forgetting. If we all forget our deepest regrets, no one would ever change and we'd all still be horrible people." Gabriel replied.

There was a long sigh that escaped from Timon's lips. "I'm inclined to believe you, Gabriel. You promised you wouldn't judge me, and you haven't."

"I am in no position to judge someone for their actions. I am as flawed as any human. I am no God." Gabriel told him.

Timon opened his palm and looked down to the pocket watch in his hands. The small hand had stopped moving at some point, but the big hand continued rotating. It was useless to tell the time.

"Of course, you don't have to move on now. Do it at your own time." Gabriel added.

Then, Timon gave him a nod. While his eyes were red and his sweater was stained with tears, he didn't exactly feel too bad about himself.

"Thanks, Gabriel."

"Any time, Timon. If you need someone to talk to, I'm always here."

The men sat looking at the forest. Kari's car pulled into the driveway.

"Gabriel!" Lysander shouted. Gabriel turned and saw his lover waving a bag of dark chocolate covered raspberries.

Timon leaned over to Gabriel. "You've got yourself a good one. Please, love him." He said. Timon stood up and then walked into the house.