Inexperienced Love (under construction)

Chapter Nine

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Chapter Nine

I look into his eyes, pleading and begging. I have tears running down my cheeks now. The sensation is weird, and as a brave tear hits the corner of my mouth the salty taste is new as well. I don't even remember the last time I shed a tear, let alone so many.

His face, for the first time since I've met him, shows emotion. He looks upset, concerned. Maybe he isn't so cold hearted, maybe he truly does see my as his mate.

From the corner of my eye I see him raise his hand, and once the warm and large hand of my mate's touches my cheek gently I let out a heartbreaking sob. I instantly dive into his chest and wrap my arms tight around his torso. I feel his arms, slowly and hesitantly wrap around me. At this moment, I'm completely and absolutely content and in bliss.

But that moment only lasts for a moment.

Because the second after I fell his arms around me, I feel him tense up. And he gently grabs my arms and pushes me away. My eyes are, for a fact, swollen and rimmed red, and I still have tears on my cheeks. I'm quiet down from my sobs but I'm still breathing hard. But as he pushes me away, my mouth drops open in disbelief.

"I need to go." He mutters and doesn't even bother to look me in the eye.

"No." I whisper, he still hasn't moved from his spot. He just stands there, looking down, not meeting my eyes, standing a couple feet away.

"I'm sorry, I have no choice." He turns his back but I'm not having any of his bullshit.

I grab his shoulder and turn him around.

"What do you mean you have no choice? Are we being attacked?" I'm close to yelling, how could he do this after everything I just said?

"No, but-" I cut him off before he could continue.

"Is the house going to burn down?"

"No."

"Is anyone in any danger?" I'm shouting by now.

"No." His voice is still a mutter but his non emotional drawl is still there.

"Then what is so important that you need to leave after everything I just said?" This time I whisper, having no more strength left in me.

"I'm sorry." That's all he says before he gently pushes me aside and walks out the door without another word.

That's all he says. After everything I said to him, after practically shoving my heart into his hands, baring my scars and my soul to him. That's all he says.

I drop to my knees and just stare at the closed door that he left through. That was it. All he had to do was walk out. And that same action just tore apart the last shred of hope and dreams I'd had since I was a little girl. I was done. Finished. Broken. There was no hope for me.

No one loved me. I'm so damned that I've been cursed to never experience any sort of love, affection, kindness, ANYTHING from anyone.

And as that breaks into my mind, I let out a sob. A loud, hurt filled sob. Full of loss and grief, heartache and hurt, pain and disappointment, and most of all failure. I've failed and there's nothing I could do anymore. I could no longer be optimistic Ariel. I was just done.

I closed my eyes as another sob breaks through me, my body trembles as I bring my knees up to my chest and rock. I'm a pathetic person.

And I continue to just sit there, my knees pulled to my chest, rocking and sobbing. Sobs break out one after another and the room echoes with my devastation.

o-o-o-o

I don't know how long I was crying for but I eventually feel asleep on the cold floor. I groaned as I blink my eyes trying to awaken myself. I was still there and my back hurt. Actually, everything hurt. my eyes stung and my throat burned.

I reluctantly get up and drag myself out of the office. The first thing I do is check out the entire floor, looking for another room. There was only one other that was not being used. Dragging myself back to Thane's room, I go to the bathroom and wash my face.

Looking into the mirror I wince. I looked terrible. You could see the grief and defeat on my face. I had lost my colour and my eyes were swollen and rimmed red. Forcing myself to look away I went to the closet. The clothes I had ordered had come in yesterday and looking at them now made my eyes hurt. They were too colourful.

I slowly took each and everyone of them down and stuffed them into the large garbage bag I grabbed from the bathroom. I was so glad that I was smart enough to purchase a couple grey and black sweatpants and a couple black tights. Grabbing those and the few darker blue, grey and black shirts I bought I headed to the vacant room I found earlier.

I was no longer optimistic Ariel and I could no longer wear those happy and bright colours. They mocked me and made my head hurt now. Throwing the bag into the corner of the room, I hung the darker clothes I had.

I couldn't stay with Thane anymore, not that I was staying with him in the first place. I'm now out of his hair, he doesn't need to sneak out to sleep on that uncomfortable couch now. He's made it known, he doesn't want his mate, and he's made it crystal clear he doesn't and won't love me either. So why bother?

I've given up.