Inexperienced Love (under construction)

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Eleven

It's been four days since I exposed my past to Thane, four days since Thane's disappeared. He left his office that morning in a hurry and since then, there's been no sign of him. I don't know if he's just busy or if he's avoiding me.

But in those four days I've changed drastically. And I'm sure the pack's noticed as well, even if they've only encountered the old me twice. I was no longer wearing my bright and colourful clothes, instead, I was either in black, grey or white. I wasn't eating much either and I barely left my room. When I would come across a pack member I would be polite and offer a smile, but it was painfully obvious how fake and forced I looked.

Kerrie had tried to talk to me, but most times she was locked out. At one point, she got her mate, Alex, to break my door. But it was all in vain. I sat quiet and spoke minimally.

But today, after five long days, I've had enough. I've got a small duffel bag packed and ready for me and some cash I had taken from Thane's office. I can't stand this place anymore, as nice as the pack has been to me, this place is just another rejection. Another love gone inexperienced.

I was keeping an eye on the border patrol schedules and I had gotten pretty darn good at avoiding the wolves in this house. And since Thane's absence, they've understood to keep the distance and given me the space I needed. Getting to the borders was going to be no trouble for me.

Grabbing my bag and keeping as quiet as I could be, I took the stars down to the main floor. When I ran into pack members on the stair case, I acted natural. I kept a straight face and didn't even bother to look at them. They'd understood by now that when I was near, not to talk to me.

A couple minutes laters and I was trekking through the woods, making my way to the southern borders.

Two days ago, I'd taken a walk towards this area, memorizing and plotting my routes. I'd even packed a duffel bag, similar to the one I'm holding, and stuffed it with water and snacks. My plan was successful, a pack guard had politely asked to look through my bag when I reached closer to the borders. I knew that even though Thane wasn't here, he had members keeping an eye on me. Now, if  someone saw me in this area, they'd think I'm on a walk again. And, when they saw the duffel bag, they'd assume it's once again stuffed with water and goodies.

I looked at my watch, less than two more minutes before the patrols switched. I only had a four minute window and I had to make a quick run.

I say patiently behind the bushes, waiting. I was glad I'd walked past these guards less than ten minutes ago so my scent wouldn't make them suspicious. And they wouldn't realize that I'd crossed the borders until much later.

Three minutes later, I make a sprint for the borders and run across. I don't stop running. Distance is what matters. I need to put a heavily numbered distance between myself and the southern borders of my mate's pack.

0-0-0-0

Eight days and I'm so living much more miserably than when I was with Thane.

The world sucks. The money I'd taken from Thane's office had allowed me to rent a very tiny apartment above a cafe two towns over. And I even scored a waitressing job in the very same cafe.

When I finally reached the main streets, I'd taken a bus and stopped after two hours. I regretted getting off so early when I realized I was just two towns away. My mind told me to get back on the bus, but my body was just so exhausted. The run towards the streets had taken me a good hour or so and I was not a fit person.

I had decided that I'd take the next bus in the mooring, but when the kind lady who owned the cafe saw me sleeping on a park bench, she took me in. And, I didn't have the heart to leave her.

The cafe was busy, so it helped keep my mind off certain things, but everything felt so lifeless and meaningless. It wasn't just the mate pull that drove me crazy, but the realization that I'm pathetic. I'd spend nights thinking over and over again, what was so wrong with me?

Why had my parents just left me?

Why did no one ever want to befriend me?

Why did none of the staff even prefer to look at me?

Why did my own mate hate me so much?

What was so wrong with me?

The realization that nobody, not one person I'd come across showed me love had finally broken me. Through my years, there was alway another type of love there that I had yet to experience, the hope was still there.

When I found out about my parents, I'd hope for friendship.

When none of the kids liked me, I'd hope for adults to mentor me and take me under their wings.

When no one did that, I'd hope for my mate and his family.

But now, I had no more hope left.

I've tried to experience love, but love just wasn't written in my destiny.

Over the eight days, I'd thought about just ending everything, but something always held me back. There was this feeling in my chest, that told me no, not yet.

So I waited. I don't know how much longer I'll wait and live this miserable life but I'll wait.