My Saving Grace

August 7, 2013

Trigger warning: self harm

Scott's P.O.V.

"Scotland, I'm home and brought you a surprise." I uncurled my body from the position it was on the bed. My knees were pulled up to my chest and arms wrapped around them, my face buried in what fabric it could find on my shorts. My thoughts were going at one hundred miles per hour recently and my anxiety was at high.

"Unless it's decaffeinated coffee or something that can get rid of the voices, then I'm not coming out." I mumbled. It wasn't loud enough for Mitch to hear though because that would be rude and would be an inconvenience to him. Besides that I was curious and needed to get out of my bedroom.

I opened my door and stepped out into the living room where I saw Mitch, with a coffee cup in hand and Alex with a concerned look on his face. I felt my heart drop. He's probably mad at you for calling him at four am. He text to say he wasn't mad though. But that may just be a cover up. You look a mess also. You haven't done your in like a week. You're wearing basketball shorts and a tank and your arms are uncovered. He's judging you right now, he can probably see the cuts. The fresh ones.

I moved my arms behind my back as I starred at Alex. I could feel myself being taken over by the shouting voices in my head. No, I couldn't let myself go in front of him.

"Scott?" I was snapped out of my head by Alex's soothing voice and in that moment I knew he wasn't mad. He gave me a smile and I weakly smiled back.

"Hey." My voice was hoarse for some reason that I couldn't place. Mitch shifted awkwardly on the balls of his feet out of the corner of my eye.

"I bought you coffee. I'm going out with Connor in a bit." Mitch said, making me look at him. I took the coffee from him and smiled. I then grabbed a sweater from the back of the couch and pulled it over my head, covering my hands with the sleeves.

"Oooh got a date, Mitch?" Alex cut through the silence. I turned to look at him and then back at Mitch. We both snorted loudly. Mitch shook his head and I took a sip from my coffee. It was good but I could tell it was going to make me anxious, caffeine does that to me.

"Did I say something wrong...." Alex said. Mitch rolled his eyes slightly.

"No you didn't it's fine. Scott can explain to you." Mitch said, disappearing off into his room. I sat down on the couch, pulling my legs up under me. Alex stood, confused. I patted the space next to me. Alex walked over still confused and sat down.

"Mitch doesn't tend to 'date'." I told Alex. He nodded. "He's aromantic, which means he doesn't feel romantic attraction to people. You weren't to know though so it's okay. He hasn't come out to fans about it either so just don't say anything okay?"

Alex's eyes widened. "Well I wasn't expecting that." He said, making me laugh.

"No one does really." Just then I watched as Mitch's door opened again. He had done a quick change and was ready to go out. I stood up and walked over to hug him. "Thank you for the coffee, Michelle."

He nodded into my shoulder. "I'll see you for dinner. I love you." He stated.

"I love you too." And then he was gone and I turned back to Alex who looked half confused, half jealous. I sat back down and smiled.

"Have you two ever...." Alex stopped himself.

"Considering I just told you Mitch doesn't date because he's aromantic, I think you might be going off path there." I stated. Alex shook his head.

"No, I mean, have you two ever hooked up?" My eyes widened and I giggled slightly.

"No!" I sighed and laughed again at the thought. "Definitely not! He's my best friend!" I stated.

"Alright, okay." Alex still looked confused. "Can I ask you something?" He asked. I nodded, knowing it was coming. "Were you ok last night? When you called, I mean! You sounded distressed and I just wanted to come over and hold you." I felt a large lump become present in my throat.

"I was just freaking out. I couldn't- I couldn't get the v-voices to silence. They d-do that sometimes. I was scared that you would get mad that I woke you though." I stammered.

"You know I would never be mad about that. If you need me call me. It doesn't matter if it's 3 am where I am. I just want you to know that I care about you and that I will always be there when you need me!" Alex said.

I felt my heart speed up. An unknown tear began to fall down my face. I felt Alex's hand reach up and careful wipe the tear away. I watched as he looked over my face. A small smile crept onto his face. "You're beautiful." He whispered.

I took a sharp intake of breath. My throat locked and I couldn't speak. We had been together six months and I still felt like it was the first day I had met him. I still found new things about him that I loved. I still discovered new parts to his personality that I had never seen before. I still felt just as nervous when he kissed me or touched me.

As I looked over his face I noticed how sharp his jaw was. It gave him a chisel like feel. His cheek bones are high and sharp as well. I can see the lines from his dimples that aren't actually on his face at the moment but have been on his face in times of happiness and excitement. His eyes are a deep brown, lighter than Mitch's though. They're more of a chocolate brown, dark melted chocolate brown. The sort of eyes that I kept getting lost in because they held emotions that if you were lucky enough you would get to see.

"Scott?" His voice snapped me out of my thoughts. We had just been sitting and starring at each other in silence. His hand was still cupping my face. I nodded, my throat still locked. "Show me your arms." He whispered. It wasn't a judging sentence though. It was more of a concerned and caring sentence.

I closed my eyes tightly and moved my arms from around my body. I felt Alex move his hand from my face and gently pull up each sleeve. The cold air hit the fresh cuts from last nights, they were only just scanning over. I felt him run his thumb along my wrists.

"Does that hurt?" He whispered. I still didn't dare to open my eyes, shaking my head slightly. I suddenly felt his lips on my arm.

My eyes snapped open and I looked down as he tenderly kissed from my wrist to my elbow on each arm. I sighed, feeling my heart jump. He finished, looking up at me. "Every part of you is beautiful. Your arms." He kissed my arms again.

"Your legs." He bent down and gently kissed my thighs. "Your mind." He kissed my forehead. "Your heart." He kissed my sweater over my chest and then slowly lifted his head again. "All of you." He whispered.

I sighed. His words made me feel all fuzzy inside. His hand moved up to my face again and we leaned in. Our lips connected and I felt absolutely at home. Every kiss that I share with Alex feels like a present because he puts so much emotion in to them.

I slowly broke away to take a breath, resting my forehead against his. "Thank you, Alex." I whispered. He smiled and tenderly kissed me again.

"We should cuddle and watch movies all day." Alex suggested. I smiled and giggled a little.

"I'll get the popcorn and the blankets. You choose the movie."