My Saving Grace

September 27, 2013

Alex's P.O.V.

I finally managed to move Scott from the roof back inside to his apartment. I walked him to the couch and he sat down, his eyes vacant, loose tears still falling from his eyes. I breathed out and crouched down in front of him, his eyes focusing on me.

"Hey, we're inside now. You're safe." I whispered. His eyebrows furrowed as he blinked hard, trying to stop his tears. I moved to sit back down next to him and pull him into my arms. He shivered violently, his head resting on my chest.

He fell asleep after a while, emotional exhaustion. So I laid him flat out on the couch and walked to the kitchen. Taking the note into my hand I breathed, reading it again. And again. And again. Until I felt tears falling down my face, falling onto the page and smudging the scratchy writing.

I heard the door crack open and turned around to see a smiling Mitch, bags of Taco Bell take out in his hands. His smile fell from his face as he saw me crying. Placing the bags on the table, his eyes fell on the couch to where Scott was sleeping. He then turned back to me and took the note from my hands.

I watched as he read it. "How-" his bottom lip quivered as he tried to hold back tears. "How.... How was he g-going to do it?" He stammered. His voice was low and quiet, not wanting to wake Scott.

"The roof." That was all I could get out before the tears freely fell down my face again. Mitch blinked back his tears again. He wrapped his arms around me and I sighed. "He was going to jump, Mitch. It took so much to stop him. So much."

"Shh... But you stopped him... That's all that is important... Look he's alive. He's sleeping on the couch. You saved him Alex." Mitch soothed. His words went right through me and made me think of the moment again. My hands were sweaty, my voice shaking. I was still so terrified. Terrified he would disappear, like smoke.

I began to hear movement on the couch and jumped out of Mitch's hold, wiping my eyes on my shirt and turning to see that Scott was waking up. He opened his eyes and stared up at the ceiling. I could almost see the battle going on in his head. The voices and whatever else were probably screaming at him at that moment. But he was showing the emotion now and that was good. He knew he could show the emotion in front of us and that we would help him.

He sat up cautiously and blinked hard, trying to get rid of sleep. Mitch and I walked in sync to sit on either side of him. I didn't know what to say or do, I had never dealt with anything like this before so I let Mitch do the talking. I gently linked Scott's hand with mine as Mitch turned to him.

"Tell me." Mitch urged. His voice wasn't demanding, it was calm and soothing but not derogatory either. It was just a best friend talking to a best friend.

"I... I tried to kill myself." Scott said plainly. His voice was vacant again. I gently squeezed his hand and felt my heart leap when he squeezed back. He was in there, behind the vacancy and the terror, my Scott was there.

"No, tell me what is going on up there." Mitch reached out his hand and pressed it against Scott's forehead. It was like watching a magical healer do their work. Just one touch would fix him. But that wasn't the case.

"You'll think I'm crazy." Scott said, his voice now shook a little, his true emotions showing. His hand began to flutter in mine. I placed my free hand on top of our interlocked ones and began to run my thumb over the back of his hand. He sighed a little and relaxed.

"Scott, have I ever thought you are crazy? No! You are not crazy.... We've had this conversation before. You can tell me." Mitch's voice softened even more. It was like he was handling a butterfly. An incredibly delicate butterfly that needed to be taken care of.

"There's a figure... It stands over me and watches me and shouts at me... It's always there, taunting me... And the voices in my head are loud... Louder than before... Screaming things... I feel like I want to rip my hair out and hurt myself... My dreams are filled with hallucinations, you and Alex always turn into monsters... You want me to kill myself... So you guys can get away... And maybe that's true... Maybe if I do kill myself you won't have to deal with me anymore.... Because I'm inadequate, an inconvenience, stupid, crazy...." Scott explained. I watched as his free hand came up to his head and softly start hitting himself and then get progressively harder.

"Scott," I said, reaching out and catching his wrist, "Scott, hey look at me." I prized his hand away from his head and placed it down onto our interlocked hands.

"I'm sorry." Scott whispered. I shock my head and wiped the tears from his face.

"It's okay. You're okay." I whispered. He slowly turned back to Mitch, who I could see was finding it hard to hold back tears.

"Scott, this figure. Is it here right now?" Mitch asked, carefully choosing his words. Scott nodded. "Where?" Scott motioned his head over to the kitchen counter.

"It... It's sat on top of the counter, w-with its arms crossed, it's legs swinging back and forth. It's whispering to me. It's telling me that you don't care. And that both of you are only here because you have to be." Scott explained.

"Don't listen to it." Mitch said. "It's not telling the truth. It isn't real. It's a figment of your imagination. It is the depression morphing your thoughts." Scott nodded and swallowed hard.

After a small silence I decided to speak up. "Scott, I'm going to get you to go to a doctor. A therapist. I know a good one. They help a lot of people and they can make it all go away. You won't have to hurt anymore." I told him. I felt his hand flinch in mine but he nodded. "This is for you and it's going to help you. I'm not doing it because I think you're crazy. I do not think you are crazy or stupid or anything that your mind tells you. I think you are amazing and strong and smart."

I watched as Mitch began to stand up and walk to the kitchen to leave us alone. Scott turned his complete attention to me now. "What if I'm not strong enough for this?" Scott asked.

"I know you are strong enough. You were strong enough today to stand up and over come it. You have been strong enough for three years to live with this. And if you feel like you're going to fall I'll be here to catch you. You do not need to do this on your own. I love you." I told him.

"I love you too." Scott whispered. I smiled, hearing those words come out of his mouth. They were directed towards me as well. They made me feel all warm inside, like being hugged from the inside out. Scott smiled a little making my smile wider. It was a genuine smile and not fake. His eyes twinkled a little also, giving me that sparkle in my eyes that everyone said I had when I was around him. "Why are you looking at me like that?" Scott asked, snapping me from my thoughts.

"Because you're beautiful and I love you and I really really like hearing those words come out of your mouth and I love seeing you smile and be happy and-" Scott quickly cut me off connecting our lips. It caught me off guard but I soon pulled myself together and found my hand moving up to his face. His lips moved against mine, sending sparks around my body, making my senses tingle with excitement. My mind was blank and we were the only ones in the world that mattered.

But that all ended when I tasted the salty liquid on my lips and pulled away. Scott was crying, his eyes still closed. "How did I get to be with someone like you?" He said through his tears, opening his eyes. He was smiling though which made me a little more settled. I gently wiped the tears from his face and smiled.

"I love you, Alex." He whispered.

"I love you too, Scott."

A/N
Hey! I hope you are enjoying this so far guys!
I have to say I'm really enjoying writing it!!
I'm going on holiday to France this weekend for a week and so am going to take a break from writing. I should be back up and writing once I get back though. I hope you guys don't mind!
Thanks for reading. Love y'all!!