My Saving Grace

January 21, 2014

Scott's P.O.V.

I walked in to the building that I had come to know so well. They were group therapy sessions. On every Saturday and I had come to really enjoy them. It was amazing to hear so many different stories. I had also made some friends. One being Sammy the girl who I had seen coming out of Lisa's office on the first day. She was anorexic and also only eighteen. She had started coming to Lisa's two years back and stopped when she was back on track but she then relapsed and became depressed. So about seven months ago she started to come back.

I had also met Ethan. He was twenty one. He had borderline personality disorder and anxiety. I had come to learn that he was the nicest person there. He was always the one I could go to if I needed to talk or vent. He would listen and help you through it.

I still went to see just Lisa. Once a week. She was amazing! A miracle worker. And she didn't look down on me like I thought she would. It was hard though, therapy. It was like having to face your biggest fears head on. There were times when I didn't want to go back. I would tell Alex that it was killing me but he didn't take any of it. And I was thankful for that. He could see that it was doing me good, even if sometimes I came out of it feeling worse than when I went it.

"Scott Hoying!" Ethan greeted me, smiling. I smiled back, hugging him briefly. "How are you?" He asked.

"I mean I've been better but positive thinking right? And you?" I asked, sitting down in my seat beside him. Sammy's seat next to me was not yet occupied.

"I'm pretty good. So I've been meaning to tell you this.... My mom and dad are coming down next weekend for a couple of days." He said. I raised my eyebrows.

"Oh wow! So your relationship with them, is it better?" I asked. Ethan hadn't talked to his parents in years. They disowned him when he came out as trans to them. They threw him out at the age of sixteen. Since then he's been walking the streets, trying to stay out of trouble. Until one day he was taken in by a homeless shelter and they helped him get back on his face. He eventually got a job as an actor in LA, bought an apartment and raised enough money to transition.

"I wouldn't say better but before now it was pretty much non existent so I'm being positive. They haven't seen me since I transitioned. But we've been speaking over phone for a couple weeks and they keep saying how sorry they are and how much they miss me and they want a second chance."

"I'm happy for you! So you won't be here next week?" I asked.

"Well, I mean they don't know that I come here so no. I hope you don't miss me too much." He said, laughing. I chuckled.

"Actually, I'm touring in Europe next week. I think for three weeks and so I won't be here either." I stated.

"Oohh! Is lover boy joining you?" He asked. I giggled.

"Unfortunately not. He's working." I said. I felt a presence beside me and turned to see Sammy had arrived. We talked for a little while longer as the room filled out and then Lisa arrived. She began to talk to us and went around the room to see how we were all getting on.

Soon it was over and I said goodbye to Ethan and Sammy and walked up to Lisa. "Scott, how are you?" She asked, as she saw me approaching her.

"I'm actually pretty good, how are you?" I said, smiling. She nodded.

"I'm good. What can I do for you?" She asked, placing her stuff into a bag.

"I was just going to tell you I won't be around for the next three weeks." I stated. I shuffled on my feet awkwardly and watched as she looked up to me.

"Are you going somewhere?" She asked, her eyebrows raised.

"Well we're touring in Europe for a while. Which is exciting. We haven't toured there yet and so it's going to be quite good. New surroundings and stuff." I explained, using my hands to talk.

"That's excellent, Scott. Well, I hope you have a good time and remember you can call me whenever you need to. It doesn't matter what time zone you're in! If you need me, call." She explained.

"Thank you, Lisa, really!" I said, giving her a brief hug.

"My pleasure." She said. I then left, driving back to my apartment. I was on the freeway when I got an idea.

I stopped pulling up outside of the florists. I opened the door and walked in. I was immediately hit by the smell of flowers. It washed over me and made me feel dizzy. So fresh.

My eyes searched along the rows of bunches of flowers. They landed on one bunch. Yellow and orange flowers. In a big bunch. I leant over and picked them up, holding them to my nose. I breathed in and let the flowery smell wash over me. "So good." I muttered.

I went up to the counter and placed them down. "For someone special?" The florist asked. She smiled at me as she calculated the cost.

"Yeah, a surprise." I explained, smiling back.

"Well, she must be a very lucky lady." The woman stated as u handed her my money.

"He is amazing! I'm the lucky one." I said, putting an emphasis on the word he. She raised her eyebrows but her smile didn't leave her face.

"Alright! Have a nice day!" She said.

"You too." And I got back in the car and drove off. To Alex's apartment. I stopped outside and let myself in and then knocked on his door. Placing the flowers behind my back, I waited for him to answer.

The door was flung open and I was greeted with a smile. "This is a surprise!" Alex smirked.

"A good surprise I hope." I teased.

"The best." He whispered as I quickly kissed him. I leant back and pulled the flowers out from behind me back. He gasped and his eyes lit up.

"For you, my lovely." I smiled, stepping into his apartment. He closed the door behind me and took the flowers from my hands.

"These are beautiful. Thank you." He said in awe, kissing me again. "How was today?" He asked, placing them down and grabbing a vase to fill with water.

"It was good. Thank you for making me go every week actually. It was only today that I realised how calm I've been feeling lately. It's because of you that I keep going." I said as he placed the vase down on the table and leant back against it.

"Well you are awfully sappy today, aren't you? But you're welcome! It's good that you feel that way. Climbing that mountain and we're nearly at the top, I'd say." He admitted. I laughed a little as I leant forward and kissed him, his hands pressing against the bass of my back.

"Yes we are." I agreed, pressing my forehead against his own. He licked his lips and smiled.

"How are your wrists?" He asked. He had come to ask that question a lot. It gave me motivation to not cut them. But to do things that won't hurt myself.

I leant back, his hands still holding me against him, and pulled up my sleeves. They were covered in words. Smart, kind, friendly, funny, good singer, hard worker, creative.

"Was this last night?" Alex asked, smiling at the words. He ran his thumb over each one. I nodded my head as he looked up. "I'm proud of you!" He whispered, pressing his lips against mine. "And alllllll of meeee lovessss allllll of youuuuu!" He sung loudly.

"You're a dork!" I laughed.

"Says you who put a whole cover of that song up on YouTube for my birthday!" He teased, poking my side.

"Yeah, yeah. You loved it, really!" I said, rolling my eyes.

"You know it."

"You're still a dork though!" I teased and he pouted. "But I love you too!"