She's little

chaper 41

i'm fucking mortified.
i've never been so embarrassed in my life.
not only did i slip while drunk, which was undeniably ironic, i willingly slept with a pacifier...and really liked it.

And James is fucking over the moon, he's been walking around the house with a-bit of pep in his step all morning.

we haven't actually talked about it, but i know he wants too.
meanwhile as i waited for him to bring it up, i was stuck writing 200 lines of "i'm not allowed to drink or do drugs." and I'm so fucking bored.

But it seems that no matter how many lines I write, I can't erase the memory of that night from my mind.  Every time I close my eyes, all I can think about is the feel of that pacifier in my mouth.  And the way James' hands held on to my body.  It was like nothing I had ever experienced before.

Even though I know i couldn't shake the feeling of intense embarrassment, I can't help but feel a certain sense of satisfaction. I never thought about actually I liking this, but there was something strangely satisfying about the power exchange.
even if it only happened for a moment, it felt like all i wanted was for it to happen Again...

even if the thought of anyone seeing me with a pacifier made me want to slam my head into a wall.

"you done yet?" James asked poking his head around the wall into the kitchen to check on me.

"yep." i said putting the pen down and holding up the 3 sheets of front to back lines.

"Finally, i'm bored as hell", James commented before disappearing behind the wall.
i hopped down from the kitchen island and wandered into the dining area, seeing James sat in-front of his laptop

"come here." he said, with a cheeky grin plastered on his face.

I went over to him and looked at his screen, curious about what he had to show me

He pulled up a folder labelled "Homework", and I rolled my eyes.

"Homework? Really?"

"You're such a nerd," I said, shaking my head in amusement.
"i was wanna do something fun. i don't wanna do homework, i wanna go back to bed and watch

"Really?" James asked, looking up at me with a sly grin. "How old are you? Five?" he said, a knowing look in his eyes as he teased.

most five year olds don't still wear pacifiers

i didn't say that out-loud obviously, but i was thinking it.

"Haha, very funny," I replied sarcastically, feeling my cheeks heat up with embarrassment. "Just because I enjoy watching cartoons doesn't mean I'm a child."

"But the pacifier thing kinda gives it away," he smirked, causing my face to flush even more.

my mouth felt into a loose O shape when James clocked me.
what the fuck.

I could feel my face turning red. "You can't throw that around like that, it's embarrassing."

"okay fine i won't," he promised with a grin. "But you're gonna have to let me get you some more pacifiers, since i know you actually like them now."
I rolled my eyes, but secretly I was actually sort of...excited?

"go get dressed, were going over to see Derik and lizzie." he told me as he turned back to the laptop, that stupid little grin still covering his face.

"okay." i said, spinning on my heel, ready to head to my room.

"Dianna?"

"yea?" i ask turning to look back at him.

"it doesn't need to be embarrassing, to like the stuff you were classified to like."
i didn't respond to him, just continuing to head to my room.

I nodded a silent thanks and headed off to my room to get dressed. Of course, James was right, it didn't have to be embarrassing, but that didn't stop the feeling of humiliation that washed over me as I thought about the whole slipping thing.
At least James wasn't making fun of me or anything— well obviously, this is what he wants for me, he's always supportive.

As I slipped on my shirt, I couldn't help but feel a little bit excited about the prospect of getting more pacifiers to match more of my pyjamas—because there was no way i was wearing one outside—

and I mean, the feeling of having one in my mouth was actually quite comforting.