She's little

chapter 42

"what the hell is that?" i say standing in front of the open car door, while James stood next to me, holding the car door open.
"Dianna-"
"no, you are not putting me in that thing."

"Dianna. you don't get a choice in this. its the law, its been 4 months, the police aren't going to let you get away with just the booster seat." James told me as i stared in horror at the brand new carseat that sat in James's car.

it was a full sized adult car seat, all for me.

i know its the law, i'm vary aware of the law, but oh my god, i think i finally understand rock bottom.
"James-"
"Dianna."

I reluctantly got into the embarrassing seat, the material pressing against my jeans.

"It's not that bad," James said, trying to reassure me. "At least it's comfortable. Look, it even has cup holders!"

I couldn't help but feel incredibly embarrassed as James meticulously fastened the seatbelt, ensuring it was secure. He pushed my hands away from the straps, firmly indicating that he was taking care of it. I watched as he even tugged on the belts, making sure they were tight against my chest. The whole experience was mortifying...but there was something strangely reassuring about having him take care of my safety...

As we pulled out of the driveway, I tried to convince myself that the car seat wasn't *that* bad, but the sense of embarrassment still hung over me.
It didn't help that it felt incredibly tight against my chest, and the cup holders were comically large.

the whole thing felt incredibly overwhelming, i i barely noticed the few stray tears falling from my eyes.

i don't even know why i was crying, i just felt very overwhelmed.

I felt a strange mixture of embarrassment and helplessness as I sat in the car seat, my body feeling incredibly small and vulnerable. With my arms pinned to my sides, I couldn't even wipe the tears that were streaming down my face. I just had to sit there, immobilized, humiliated and sobbing.
When James looked over at me, I could see the sympathy and compassion in his eyes. He reached back to take my hand in his.

I looked up at James through my blurred vision, gratitude washing over me as he gave my hand a reassuring squeeze. I knew that this whole situation was for my own good, but that didn't make it any less humiliating.

James spoke softly as he turned back to facing the road. "It's okay, I know this is hard." He paused, taking a breath before continuing. "But I'm here for you, every step of the way."

I couldn't help but feel some sense of comfort in his words. As we drove, I tried to focus on the sound of the road beneath the tires, forcing myself to relax. James didn't speak anymore, and I was grateful for that; I didn't think I could handle much conversation right now. But it didn't matter.

I knew that for the time being, everything was in his hands, and I didn't need to worry about anything.

We soon arrived at Derik and Lizzie's, their house lit up warmly against the dark night sky. James parked the car and turned to me.

"C'mon, let's go."

i stared at him for a moment.
"i would but.. i am kind of, locked in place over here." i said referring to the many buckles on the car seat.

James rolled his eyes at my comment, but there was a hint of amusement in his expression as he replied, "I got it."

I felt a rush of relief as he opened the back door and reached over to unbuckle the various restraints holding me in place. His hands moved swiftly and efficiently, unfastening the straps and releasing me from the tight grip of the seat.

i felt his hands go under my arms as he picked me up and out of the seat

I barely had time to process what was happening before James's arms were cradling me, pulling me out of the car seat. I wrapped my arms around his neck, feeling relieved at finally being freed from its claustrophobic embrace.

I felt my cheeks flush with both embarrassment and annoyance as James kissed my cheek, his words cutting through me. "It wasn't so bad." he had said, as if that would make the whole humiliating experience better.

I let out a non-committal grumble, unable to formulate a proper reply. I was aware that James was just trying to be supportive; but even his gentle attempts at consolation only served to make me feel even smaller and more childish.

maybe that was his goal.

As we walked towards the front door, I couldn't shake the feeling that maybe James was enjoying my newfound level of dependence on him.

I felt exposed, vulnerable and embarrassed, but there was also a sense of safety in that vulnerability.
James's presence was strong, and I couldn't deny his protective nature.

I could feel the weight of his hand on my hip, guiding me gently closer to him. Despite the fact that I loathed being treated like a child, i  found myself subconsciously leaning into his touch, allowing his protective gesture to offer some solace from the overwhelming feeling of being infantilized.

we were half way to the door when lizzie swung the door open and came running at me.

Lizzie's excited greeting echoed through the front yard as she sprinted towards me, arms outstretched in a playful embrace. She lunged at me, her petite frame colliding into my own, knocking me back into James's firm grip.

I heard him chuckle softly as I struggled to regain my balance. Lizzie giggled with delight, completely oblivious to the inner turmoil I was experiencing.

lizzie had changed a-lot these past 2 months, from her former closed of hard shell, to this bright, giddy girl. 

The shift in Lizzie's personality was truly astounding. She was once so guarded and closed off, but now, seeing her giggle excitedly as she held on tightly to my waist, felt like a glimpse into a completely different person.

While there was still something familiar in the mischievous glint in her eye, the carefree energy radiating from her seemed almost infectious.
"hey lizzie!" i say hugging her back tightly before she ket go.

As she let go of me, I couldn't help but smile at her newfound enthusiasm. It was remarkable to see Lizzie go from being so withdrawn to being so expressive and happy within such a short amount of time.
She was a burst of fresh energy that was hard to ignore, and though I couldn't quite put my finger on it, there was something that felt... off.

"i feel left out." another voice from behind me said.

i watched as jenny appeared, teddy along side her, as they walked up the driveway meeting us.

As Jenny came closer, the first thing I noticed was that her hands were gripping tightly to Teddy's arm. She seemed to be drawing strength and validation from him, and despite her seemingly confident demeanor, there was a hint of vulnerability to her.

Derik greeted us with a mischievous grin, as we walked in, rocking an unexpectedly frilly apron. The sight of him stood there in the kitchen, surrounded by various cooking utensils, made us all burst out laughing. It was a sight that seemed so at odds with the burly, masculine presence of Derik that it was just incredibly absurd.