Stolen Kisses, Pretty Lies

~Chapter 23~

"So you haven't talked to your dad about it yet? At all?"

I readjusted the strap on my backpack and shook my head. "I was avoiding him all night, Mid. I wasn't about to go sit down at the dinner table."

Midnights hummed quietly, looking straight ahead as we walked. "Did you pack any food today?"

"Nope. It's not like you told me to," I pointed out.

"Lucky I brought something for you then!" Midnights squeezed my hand.

I groaned. I already felt awful today. I didn't want to get out of bed at all this morning, it felt like my eyes were glued shut with fatigue and the repulsive idea of having to confront my mother in any setting lingered.

Footsteps thumped behind us and Midnights and I dropped each others hands. Reputation stopped beside us on my side and greeted me with a nod. She eyed Midnights for a moment, before nodding at her too.

Midnights raised her eyebrow at me and I shrugged.

"So, how was the rest of last night?" Rep cracked the top of a banana and peeled it halfway.

"Nothing really happened..." I sighed. "Just stayed in my room."

She hummed and chewed the fruit, the sight and scent of it nauseating. It was now day 6 of no food, and to be honest, I'd never felt worse. My entire being was ruled by an irrational fear of being overweight, a fear that consumed me. I was it's slave.

"Did you know-" Rep chomped her banana. "That the human body can last up to 3 weeks without food?"

I tensed, internally cringing at her outright inuendo. Midnights tensed beside me and searched for my hand again, finding my fingers and grasping them.

I cleared my throat. "Rep."

"What? It's a cool fact," she shrugged, tossing the banana peel in someone's bin by their house.

"You tell her?" Midnights asked quietly, her voice carrying a low rumble that made my heart beat faster.

I shook my head. "No. Haven't said anything. She's assuming things."

"I'm right here, hello," Rep butted in. "And as I said, I'm not blind. Eating disorders aren't chill, Nine."

I tensed again, huffing and avoiding the older girl's eyes. "I do not have that. There's nothing disorderly here."

She laughed. "Okay buddy."

My face heated up. I didn't like this one bit. I felt trapped, enveloped by my own conscience. My own decisions had brought me here, though I thought I was in for a lazy river in which my floating donut had a steering wheel. However, my lazy river had become wild rapids, and my steering wheel was broken.

"In all seriousness, though." Rep spoke up again and I forced myself to make eye contact with her. "I am here for you. Always. If you let me."

I bit my lip as my eyes welled with tears, I couldn't cry now. Not on the way to school. All my concealer would run off, showing eyebags from nights of light, non-restorative sleep.

An arm from my right curled around my waist, pulling me into Midnights' side slightly more. The eldest hummed, nodding.

"We're here. Always, as she said."

Her words broke my mental barricade and I crumbled, tears beginning to stream down my face as I sucked in shaky breaths. Three days. Three days in a row I've cried into Midnights, and it was so fucking pathetic. I had zero stability in anything, and it was exhausting. I was just so fucking tired.

I wiped tears from my cheeks, battling to keep it together.

"Nine..." Midnights murmured, stopping her steps to comfort me. Her arm tugged me closer, but I couldn't do it. I stepped away from both girls, pulling my hand from Midnights' grip and not noticing the look on her face.

"Nine?" Rep tried to step closer. I stepped back again, wiping each tear as quickly as they spilt from my eyes. Shaking my head I continued to back up, my breaths coming in shallow and fast. Eventually there was about 20 metres between us, and Midnights and Rep stood, staring at me. Rep had a concerned but accepting expression, while Mid looked confused and broken. They didn't deserve to be burdened by my immense sensitivity and weakness, so I was removing myself from them. For both of our benefits.

"Nine, please," Rep called, taking a step forward. She'd let me make my own decisions, she always did. If I told her to give me space she would, and she'd make sure everyone else respected and obeyed that too. Keeping that in mind, that was exactly what I did.

I shook my head again and turned, walking quickly back towards home. I got down and a corner and halfway towards my house before I realised I couldn't go there. I paused, my vision swimming and mouth dry. Quickly making a decision, I turned down a short path that lead to the street behind mine, where I beelined for a house I was all too familiar with.

I knocked on the door, before scrubbing my face with my hoodie sleeve. The door opened, and an older girl opened the door. Her eyes widened.

"1989?"

I swallowed sharply, "hi- would it be alright if I came in?"

"Yeah, sure, uhm, make yourself at home," the girl stepped back. "Are you good?"

"I just need a minute," I stepped inside and headed for the stairs, still looking at her. "Thank you though, Karma."

Rep's sister nodded and retreated into the kitchen.

I darted upstairs and let myself into Rep's room, sitting down on her bed. I knew this place like it was my own, and I was so close with Rep's family they felt like mine. It was a place I'd been comfortable in for years, the knowledge that Rep wouldn't mind my presence in here helping me relax slightly.

I tore off my shoes, ripping desperately at the laces and crying harder out of frustration. I ran my hands through my hair, tugging at it as I sat against the wall, finally letting myself cry. Digging my nails into bony arms I wept, completely consumed by a mixture of self-hatred, guilt, and weakness. It was the worst I'd ever felt.

Suddenly everything was real in my head. I was fucked up, and I wanted nothing more than for it to be over.

~~

If you get angsty one shots—this is your warning—it's because my life is shitty at the moment. If you don't, you can know I'm happy and uplifting writing will be on the way!

Happy Wednesday, as always!