Penance of Honor | BOOK 2 ✔️

Chapter: Ten

Cassius' P.O.V

I pick at my food as I watch Stevens staring at me at the side of my eyes. He worries for me, I know. After realizing I could not find solace in Isaac, I had...I had regressed.

"I'm fine..." I mumble.

"You are not." My lips purse, but I continue to shove small pieces of meat in my mouth. "You are anything but fine and...it worries me, Cassius."

"I'm alive, isn't that enough?"

"No, living and surviving are two different things." 

"Will you not ever tire of me, Stevens?" I say as I hold his gaze. "Will you not ever find fault with me?"

"Never," he states evenly causing my eyes to fall. "You are my King."

"I don't wish to be."

"But you are."

"I don't want this."

"But you have it."

I shove another and another piece of thick meat in my mouth before sighing out. "If he is alive, what am I doing here? I have to find him."

"Your place is here."

"My place is with him. You do not understand this constant tugging at my heart and I do not expect you to..."

"Perhaps, I do not. But understand this, you are weak. Until all the silver leaves his blood will you be able to regain your strength again. If any of the Easterners were to find out ..." I watch as his hands ball into fists. 

"I know you are upset about this-"

"He is only alive because of you and your rank. He is killing you, Cassius."

"...And how would you suppose I die?" His eyes widen. "My life for his...his life for mine. I very well knew the risks of not marking him, Stevens. Let me live with my decision. Do not fault him. It is not as if he knew."

He crunches down on the inside of his cheek. I can tell. We have been around one another since we were pups. It's something I long sense made note of about him. 

Soon, I begin to smile pushing my hand through his hair as I do. "You have always cared for me, Stevens even as I was hurting you and, still now, I am hurting you. I thank for that... You are all that is holding me together as of now."

"My feelings should be no concern to you."

"But they are. You are not just my retainer nor my Beta...You are my friend, Stevens. A very dear friend to me. Close to my heart." My hand cups his cheek before I feel him leaning into it. "And I love you for it."

His hand covers mine pressing it more into his skin. "As I love you, Cassius."

I watch as his hazel eyes stare into mine before falling away. 

He is hiding something from me. That much I do know. If he finds it whereas he cannot tell me, then so be it. 

"You know, ever since we were pups, you could never hide anything from me. Always, always,always, you would tell me everything." I press my lips to his cheek feeling the warmth of the heat rushing up to his face.

"Stevens." I pause for a moment. "I'd love you no matter the secret. You know as well as I, I could never grow to hate you. Just like you, I cannot find any fault that lies with you."

He spends most of his days away from me and it is fine. I rather have it that way than any other way. I do not want his love thrown onto me knowing it would not be reciprocated. However, his skin is hot these days, not the coolness that I am so used to. His cheeks flushed, heart beat rampart, lips swollen as if they've been kissed over and over again. I notice all these little details, and it amuses me so, he would not think I would.