Journey to Faith//JJk FF

part 33 🦋

Zara’s POV

I sat on the edge of the bed, staring at my reflection in the mirror. The red wedding gown clung to me like a second skin, its intricate embroidery shimmering under the dim light. I traced my fingers over the delicate patterns, but my heart felt heavy, suffocated beneath the weight of something I couldn’t name—or rather, something I refused to name.

A lump formed in my throat.

I looked down at my hands, love, a new beginning. But all I felt was a deep ache clawing at my chest, threatening to spill over.

I clenched my hands into fists, my nails digging into my palms.

No. No. Please, Ya Allah, have mercy on me.

I should not think about him.

It’s wrong. It’s a sin.

My lips trembled as I shut my eyes tightly, trying to drown out the flood of memories that rushed in like an unrelenting tide.

His voice.

His laughter.

His eyes—deep, searching, filled with emotions I had once feared to understand.

I gasped, my breath shaky as a single tear escaped, trailing down my cheek.

I shook my head violently.

No, Ya Allah. Please, let him out of my mind.

I can’t do this. I am getting married now. I belong to someone else.

I pressed my palms against my ears as if that could silence the whispers in my head—the whispers of a love that was never meant to be, of a heart that had never truly been mine to give.

Tears streamed freely down my face, staining the fabric of my gown.

“This is Shaytaan,” I whispered, voice trembling. “This is Shaytaan invading my mind with his whispers. It’s a test, Ya Allah. Please, protect me from it.”

My body shuddered as I lowered my head, the battle within me tearing at my soul.

Why now? Why today?

For 1 week, I had convinced myself that I had let go. That I had moved on. That I had accepted my fate.

Then why does his name still echo in my heart?

I clutched my chest, feeling my heart race beneath my trembling fingers.

Ya Raheem, Ya Kareem… It’s Your plan. I accept it. I trust You. I know that everything You have written for me is for the best.

My lips quivered as I whispered, “Ya Allah, please let him out of my mind.”

I gasped for breath, as if speaking the words aloud would somehow exorcise the lingering presence of his memory from my soul.

I had no right to think of him now.

I had no right to cry for him now.

This was my destiny. This was the path chosen for me.

Then why…

A choked sob left my lips, my body trembling as I pressed my forehead against my knees.

"Ya Raheem, help me. I don't want to feel this anymore. I don’t want to sin in my heart. Please, cleanse me of this attachment. Remove him from my soul. Purify me for the path You have chosen for me."

But my heart "my weak, wretched heart" continued to bleed.

أَلَا بِذِكْرِ اللَّهِ تَطْمَئِنُّ الْقُلُوبُ