Journey to Faith//JJk FF

Part 36 🦋

ZARA POV

It's already been a year...

Alhamdulillah, everything seems the same on the outside. But deep down, my heart cries silently in sujood. The girl who once smiled from her heart now smiles with a face that feels frozen always fake.

I don't even know how I managed to live this whole year. I kept trying to adjust, to keep distance from others afraid of hurting them, even though I can't even hurt the people who have hurt me.

After Abbu was admitted to the hospital... I broke. I spent most of my time beside him. He's been in a coma for one year now. I don't know how much it has scarred me, Ammi, or Zain. But something inside us died that day.

Rose went back to Korea. I told her she had to she's a girl of so many dreams, and her mom, Mrs. Park, is strict. She needs to become independent, live her life. I'm happy she got engaged. She deserves the happiness she always dreamed of.

And about Arbaz... I don't know. He still comes to visit Abbu sometimes. He tries to talk to me, but I always keep my distance. Even if he's my fiancé, he's still a na-mahram until we're married.

I told him once, clearly: "I don't want a man who leads me toward sin." But still, he always tries to get close. I would have told Ammi, but she always says, "It's okay." But is it really?

And Jungkook... he never left my thoughts. The day of my nikah, he disappeared. Vanished like a breeze. I don't know where he is, what he's doing. But in every sujood, he's still there his name, my silent prayer.

I don't pray for him to return. I pray for his well-being. I pray that he finds peace, that he finds Allah. Only my Rab knows how often I ask for his hidayah. My heart may ache, but I only ask Allah to take care of him.

They say that Allah wrote your partner for you before even the world was created. But... they also say duas can change qadr, right?

That we can ask Allah for the impossible. So I keep asking. Not for love... just for his light.

I was holding Abbu's hand tightly, reciting Qur'an to him in the hospital. I told Ammi I wouldn't marry until Abbu woke up because it was his dream to see me married.

After finishing the recitation, I gently closed the Qur'an and placed it in my bag. I smiled softly, then pecked Abbu's hand, hoping somehow he could feel my love through his silence.

"Abbu, when will you wake up? When will you pat my head and tell me everything will be okay?" I whispered, tears slowly forming as I stared at his still face.

"You know, Abbu, I try to stay strong for Ammi and Zain. But you know the truth, right? Your princess feels so weak inside broken and lost without you here."

Please, wake up, Abbu. I need to see your smile again, to feel your arms around me, telling me that no matter what happens, you'll always protect me.

I miss the way you used to laugh at my silly jokes, how you'd wipe away my tears and tell me that Allah never burdens a soul beyond its strength.

Abbu, I'm scared sometimes. I don't know how to be brave without you here. But I keep praying, hoping that Allah hears my duas and brings you back to us soon.

"Abbu, I recite Qur'an to you every day... hoping maybe you'll hear it, feel it. Hoping your heart finds peace in Allah's words and maybe, maybe you'll smile again soon."

"I paused my wedding, you know? I told Ammi I can't get married while you're like this. Because it was your dream to see me in my bridal dress first."

"People say I'm strong. But Abbu... I'm not. I'm just pretending. Every night, I cry on my prayer mat. I break in sujood. Only Allah sees the mess I am."