Living Again

Chapter Eight

I sat at the table with Noah's hands on my shoulders, Jessa sitting next to me. I felt sick. The answers I have been so excited for, that I've waited for since finding out about it, were sitting in front of me. Gunner sat next to his father, who nodded at me. "You don't have to do this, Amira." Mr. Byrne's said to  me. I gave him a nod.

"I know, but I feel like I have to." I put my hand over the feather that laid delicately on my chest. I could do this. I can find my answers. "Where's Arabelle?" I asked Jessa, wanting her to be here for this. I needed her support here too.

"She hasn't gotten back from visiting with her grandmother yet. Letting her know about what happened with her parents." I nodded. I shouldn't be procrastinating this any longer. Noah squeezed my shoulders tightly. A 'you can do it' gesture. I took a deep breath and opened it. The first pack it was of my brother.

Dante Hays, 21,  Waikāne, Hawaii.

It was everything on him, his parents, where he lived.  A picture of him. Dante. his name was as weird as mine. That thought made me smile.

The next packet had a cover page over it, everyone was giving each other weird looks. Something wasn't right. I slowly took the paper off but when I read the words on the page I dropped the packet like it was on fire.

Arabelle Ritters, 17, Edgewood, Washington.

I covered my mouth, fighting the sob. This can't be true. Impossible. Everyone was staring at me, not sure what was going on. I'm not even really sure what was really going on. Gunner picked it up and looked at me. "Holy shit." He said looking over at me pulling me into his side. I clung on to him as the news went around the table. The girl who was living in my house turned out to be my sister. I don't know how to process this information. I covered my face and took a deep breath. It felt like the wall around me were caving in and I couldn't breathe. I got up and walked away from the table as my mother called after me. I shook my head and ran down the road.

All of the emotions were pouring out of me, the pain of knowing that my family didn't want me. The pain of not knowing what life would be like if things were different. The pain of the silence that was forced upon me. I had no choice and I couldn't handle it anymore. I couldn't handle all of the unknown mistakes my parents made that I have to now deal with. I wrapped my arms around my myself as I walked down the street trying to control my breathing. I wish I never tried to figure this all out. Ignorance is bliss. I don't know how long I was walking alone down the street with just Aspen next to me when Gunner's truck plugged up next to me.

"Come on get in." I shook my head

"Go away." I grunted and continued my silent pity party by myself.

"Tinks, come on." He stopped the truck and got out. "Amira, come on." Felt him tug on my arm.

"I can't, I just." I shook my head. "Just leave me alone, Gunner. I just want to be alone."

"Your parents are worried." I shrugged.

"I can't go back yet. I just need to clear my head." I tried to keep walking but I couldn't pull my arm out of Gunner's hold.

"Okay, but let me be with you. I'll take you to clear your head. I promise." He took my face into his hands. "Don't push me out." I pushed my face into his shoulder and took a deep breath. "Come on, I know a good place." He pulled me to the truck and got in and drove away...

I stayed silent the most of the way there. Gunner tried to get me to talk but I stayed in my own little world by myself, in my own mind. We pulled up to were Gunner took me when I first came to Washington. He told up to a different part of the park though and parked. I looked at him. "Come on, I know the perfect place to go." I nodded at him. He helped me walk on a trail till we came to a different path that took us to a different part of the of the cliff that looked over the lake.

"My favorite view." I gave him a smile. We sat just looking at the lake for a while, me just sitting on Gunner's lap, him just with his chin on my shoulder. I moved and put my head on his shoulder and looked up at him.

"Ready to talk?" I nodded. He knew that I was ready because I was now facing him. "Telling me what your thinking?"

"How screwed up my life is right now." I gave a humorless chuckle. "I just want everything to be normal again. I want just it to be Jessa, Noah, and I. No siblings, no biological parents. Just my little perfect family. I wish I never tried to find out about my siblings, Gunner." I covered my face in his chest. He hugged me tight.

"I'm sorry, Baby." He held me tight and rocked me as I sobbed. "I wish I could change things, but I can't." I wiped my face. "Tinks, Amira?" I looked up at him with a pout. He ran his thumb over my lip.

"I just want everything to be normal." I sighed. I wrapped my arms around his neck. "Just normal." I pressed my lips to his.

"I don't think this is the best time for that do you?" He asked pulling back when I deepened the kiss we shared. "Our first?" A blush crept up his neck and cheeks as he said that.

"I need this, please." I straddled his lap and wrapped my arms around his neck. He looked at me for a long second reading my expression.

"Are you sure?" He ran his hand though my hair. I nodded at him leaning in to kiss along the contour of his jaw. He pulled a a blanket out from under him, that I didn't know he had, and laid it over my back. "Tell me if you want to stop, at all." I nodded at him.

"Stop freaking out, Gunner." He rolled his eyes at me.

"I just thought this would be more romantic." He sighed. I sat back on his knees.

"This is exactly how I would want it. This is where we had our first date." I ran my hand down his cheek. "You are everything I could ever want." He looked at me.

"How did I get so lucky to get you?" He asked cradling my face.

"You loved me first. Before anyone else ever could. You made me believe again, Gunner, now I get to live again. Please, I just need this. I want this." He pulled me to him and deepened our kiss. I pulled at his shirt hungrily never wanting this more than right now...