The Older We Get

Chapter 18

               "Oh, please." I whisper, silently praying that I won't be struck down by Sage's all powerful top of the head hit and slowly open my fingertips to let the cigarette drop to the ground. I almost feel like I should put my hands on my head and slowly turn around but instead I inhale and think about my situation.

I really needed a smoke, but all the craving inside for something to help me get through that was only half satisfied. Cigarette isn't helping much of sh1t.

"Sage-" My body starts to turn, but the only thing I feel is a hand on my upper arm and a sudden slap across my cheek, but no matter how fvcking badly my crush's new found longer nails sting my skin, it's the painful anger in her eyes that are holding me right about now.

Her eyes.

"Why?!" Both her sets of fingers hold onto me and I feel like a kid the way she's shaking my body a little. "If you weren't the same! If nothing was the same! The least you could've done from the beginning, instead of trying to impress me was leave me with the memory of who you were! Of that kid! That kid!"

She's crying...

"I miss that kid so much!" Her voice breaks, and I feel something inside my body break too, the air around moderately cool but it feels so chilling out here that I'm shaking with the knowledge that we're both suffering in this instant.

Her and I.

It hurts.

Even if what I'm afraid of didn't happen, I was right. Me and her being close...in-fvcking-possible...isn't it?

"You forgot about me first Sage. If you're so fvcking done with me, don't bother about me anymore." I pull away. "For real this time. Don't bother."

I wish I didn't mean that. I don't want that, but its coming out loud and clear for a reason.

I can't see her face. I don't want to. I'm turning around as quick as possible, my new fancy as$ shoes smudging the remains of the cigarette on the concrete walkway while I hurry to leave, hands shoved in my deep pockets and everything in my mood turning fowl with each passing second.

Of course I don't blame her nearly one bit.

I come back, smuggle through her purse, pretend to be the good guy, flirt, impose on her life, fvck a few aspects of it up, make her not pissed at me by saying I was right about the problem even if I did something wrong, and confess in the most rape guy way by forcing her to let me kiss and nearly grope her on a matt, not to mention the fact that I'm 3 years younger than her, and pull this behavior after we agreed to keep distance? I also sucked her neck like a fvcking vampire when she stayed over, as a friend, no doubt in her mind, like an older sister type, which I never saw her as at all, and fvck!

Fvck!

Fvck!

"Damm!" I bend my knees and squat in the middle of the road, massaging my temples and decide to lay flat on my back because this place is so dead and unlike Vegas no one is going to come and run me over. "However if someone does come, I welcome it!" Classic back of palm rests on my bangs. "Idiot like me could use it."

It's not just that I have to keep my distance from her because I wanted to, but now she wants me the fvck away.

Why didn't I just keep my head down?

"Stupid." I knock my head and sigh before sitting up, only to look around and lie back down, the moon a thick crescent shape and the sky behind it dim but not as dark as it could be. "Aw shiiiiiiiiiiit!" I whine out. "Don't cry in the middle of the road." My hands go over my lashes so I can try to calm down. "Dammit."