But To Live Does Not Mean You're Alive (BoyxBoy)

Chapter Sixteen

I have not been able to update for a while due to overwhelming school works (literally). And I’ve been like obsessed with Skins lately. Haha kind of late I know.

“And that’s it class, I would like to thank you for participating and coming to the trip. I’m glad to see that YOU young people were quite enthusiastic regarding the activities and keeping yourself in touch with nature once in a while. I hope you had a great time exploring the beauty of nature and learning.”

Our Biology teacher announced to the whole class with the genuine expression of which I perceive happiness and gratefulness. Meanwhile, the whole class seemed to be pretty bored by the teacher’s mini-speech of gratitude and appreciation.

If there's one thing to be thankful about being made to sit at the back most corner in every of my classes, that would perhaps be the sight advantage. Being at the back, I get the chance to observe people in the class. I love observing how people behave and interact.

Maybe I should consider taking up Psychology in college. Or maybe not, I find it quite ironic that I’m considering Psychology when I’m introverted and can’t even make a friend. But nonetheless, I think observing others kind of give me an idea on what are the DOS and DON'TS when it comes to personality dealing.

For examples, I learned that when you’re an outcast and gay, it’s not really a good idea to stare or take a look at a footballer’s torso. I was speaking from experience and my face would always recognize the pain I felt because of such action.

Although I really had to sneak all the observing for if I don’t, I would most probably get in trouble. I always remember the response of guys from class whenever I would lay an eye on them. It seemed like they thought I was hitting on them and they all would have that expression of total repulsion written all over their faces. And I hated it, should the daggers always be necessary for that? I never liked them in the first place. And based on how they treat me or people around, I would never.

Going back, the Biology field trip was extremely one of a kind. Well, for me though. I loved everything about it, the travelling, the experience, the learning. It was all so good for me. I did not mind having to do all the activities by myself. Nobody wanted me in their groupings so I had to do them alone.

It was good ‘cause I did not have to worry about arguing with others or whatever that usually happens in a group work. And I could not be thankful. I learned so much and I think I did enough to earn me decent mark. Awesome and rewarding feeling right there.

It has been two days now since we returned from the few days trip. I could still remember the drop and sudden change of emotions when I got home. Do you know what it's like to be in a situation where the last thing you know, you’re the happiest and then the next thing you know; you’re feeling the complete opposite? I know it’s definitely hard.

That’s how it was for me. It was like every positive vibes were drained down the very same way when waters are drained down from the sink. When I got home, I was overpowered by the state of the house.

The first images that came flooding to my vision reminded me why garbage is called garbage. Dad was nowhere to be found, crumpled tissue papers littered all over the living room floor; bottles of alcohols were wrestling on the couches, food left overs that looked like they’ve been left for a while scattered on the table and worst, foul scents of pee and spoiled food mixed, offending your sense of smelling.

I had no choice but to do my part. It somehow annoys me how it seemed like I’m the only one who takes part in keeping the responsibilities at home. Trust me when I say it can be really tiring most of the time.