But To Live Does Not Mean You're Alive (BoyxBoy)

Chapter Seven

I stayed in the park a little longer than I should. It’s not like I was conscious with the time anyway. I used the time to think profoundly. Somehow, I prepared myself for the changes that was happening already and changes that were about to happen.

I had to go job-hunting soon. How hard could it be? I was willing to accept any work. At the same time, I was beginning to worry about my studies. The fact that I skipped school today did not go ignored. But I had to go to dad.

Probably, I would have to end up quitting school for a while if the situation dictates. But for now, I just got to stick with time management. Just so I can balance school and work. As much as possible I would never want to compromise my education.

Life sure is complicated and complex when you’re dealing with its down lows alone. I wished I had someone who can guide me through all of these. It is in times like this where I would miss my mom even more. I missed her badly.

It has been a while since I visited her grave. I sighed. I am useless. How could I possibly be so preoccupied and forgot to pay a visit the person who gave birth to me? The person who showed me the definition of love? Mom, I am so sorry. I did not mean to.

Feeling loosened up. I stood from the slightly rusty bench and began walking home. The ground was soft due to the scattered showers last night. It would be a long walk home.

Passing by stores, cafes, and businesses, I looked carefully for signs and notice. Sadly, none of the establishments in the area seemed to be in need of help. I sighed heavily, slumped my shoulders. This was harder than I expected.

While walking, different thoughts rushed into my mind. What if I could not find any job? Should I resort to doing dirty things for money like dad told me to? Dad has to undergo some therapy for his full recovery. As of now, that’s my main priority to fulfil.

But the question is, could I really afford to sacrifice my dignity? For the name of money? My heart clearly screamed NO. But my mind was all confused and unsure. I shook my head trying to get rid of my thought. Sometimes, I think that I’m exaggerating things.

A couple of minutes later, I reached the area where my school is. Great, now I was again reminded about school. The gate was crowded with teenagers to what seemed like a scene where they were prisoners who broke free from prison.

I smiled sheepishly at the scene, finding it amusing. I dug my hands into my pocket and lowered my head down.

I continued walking, the feeling of tiredness crawling its way to my legs. I set aside the feeling and convinced myself to go on. I would be home soon. I would be rested.

Few blocks past the school, I was suddenly caught off guard by a honking coming from a car. I stopped and turned to look who it was. Then I felt anxious to find out who they were.

Connor and his friends were grinning, as if like they found their source of entertainment for the day. I gulped at the thought, knowing that they can make it happen with ease.

Amassing all the courage I had in me, I decided to turn around and ignored them. I did not want to be dealing with any of their gimmicks. Injuries and bruises are the last thing I would need right now.