Wanna Be Yours

chapter twenty-one: cardan

Secrets I have held in my heart,

Are harder to hide than I thought.

Maybe I just wanna be yours.

The cooler air was beginning to settle in, and Cardan quite enjoyed it. The days ended sooner, and the breeze chilled his skin. Autumn was playfully announcing her entrance, and all Cardan felt was grateful that the humid nights were ending, especially if he wanted to sit on this rooftop without his curls getting all frizzy and messy.

He closed his eyes, shutting his notebook. He hadn't gotten anywhere in the past hour with these lyrics and he did not expect this to change soon, so he might as well indulge in some relaxation. Jude was next to him, on the other edge of the small sofa. She grabbed his guitar at the beginning of the session and began to play a soft melody.

She did not seem like she was writing anything either though, and he wondered if the lack of inspiration was something contagious. She only played, the breeze pulling a few strands out of her ponytail. Her eyes were closed, and she swayed back and forth lost in the music. The white flow of the fairy lights kissed her smooth skin, and honestly, if Cardan could, he'd take a picture of the moment. It felt like a painting. A beautiful sight. He was not sure if he even was allowed to be here.

After a moment, she was done. When she opened her eyes, she looked right at him, like she had expected him to be looking. Even though weeks had passed since their quarrels and rivalries, even though he supposed they were friends now, he expected her to scowl at him. To say something witty and cold. He would deserve it. But she did not. She only grinned, ever-so-slightly.

"Liked the tune?"

"Quite a lot."

"How's the writing?"

He groaned, "Not well."

"Why not?" She set the guitar to the side, turning her body towards him, "I mean, I feel the same. I haven't written anything lately which is bad considering the approaching competition."
They tried not to mention it to each other. The stress of the event was something that they attempted to stay away from when they hung out. It always made both of them feel too tense, plus, when they were up here, it was only for writing and stepping away, if only for a little, from the stress of being band leaders.

But still, she continued, "What are you writing?"

Cardan froze, suddenly sitting up and taking Jude in. She was still in uniform, just like him. They were messy and tired and probably smelled like french fries and burgers. They never spoke much up here; it was a way of de-stressing from work, from life. They also weren't very talkative with each other. On Cardan's side, it was because he did not want to say anything wrong. He knew he'd messed things up before, and even though it took effort not to be overly dramatic and tease her and then, he considered their shared silence worth it.

The quiet of it all was not exactly all that he wanted from her, but it wasn't fighting, it wasn't rivalry, and that was more than enough. Her honest company was something he figured he wanted more than he thought he did. And he realized it more and more with each visit here.

So the question, the invitation for more conversation than usual was... Different.

He smiled at her, not sure of what to say, "Well, it's a love song."

She nodded, "How much have you written."

He looked at his closed notebook, "People laugh at it."

"Come on, share."

Cardan sighed, "The first line is, I wanna be your vacuum cleaner."

He met her eyes, instead of mockery, there was interest. He forgot sometimes that she too wrote songs, and that analogies like these maybe weren't silly to her like they were to his bandmates. She understood poetry, for she wrote it too.