Wanna Be Yours

chapter four: jude

August 12th

"Don't be long, we've only got seven minutes before our show begins," Vivi called as Jude made her way to the back door. They had already done their pre-show traditions which involved a huddle, the singing of a short verse of My Girl, and hugging each other intensely reassuring one another of how great they were going to do out there, and how there wouldn't be a thing to worry about.

So now, after all was finished, Jude knew she needed a moment or two alone, as she usually did before a performance. Especially today's show.

"I won't it's just a quick smoke."

"Geez sis, your voice will get crunchy if you keep that up."
"Vivi, you smoke too."

"Well—I am not the lead singer, am I?"

Jude turned to her sister quickly right before she made it to the door to flick her off.

"Not nice," Vivi remarked dramatically, putting a hand to her heart.

"I'll be back." Jude groaned.

"Sure, sure. Don't be late."

"Wouldn't dream of it."

With a sigh, she allowed herself outside, cursing summer, as the August air outside provided nothing but humid hotness that made her instantly sweat everywhere. Softly, she leaned against the brick wall of the establishment, staring at the trashcans under a flickering old light. Beautiful scenery indeed, though she did not mind if it meant just a couple of minutes to herself. 

Even if the time was quick and scarce, all she needed was a moment alone to breathe. Jude's mind constantly worked at high speeds, and it was relieving to stop occasionally. To gather herself before she went in there ready to pull at whatever strings were necessary to win this thing.

At the same moment that Jude took out her pack of cigarettes from her jacket's pocket, she thought of Madoc. She felt his words ring louder than before. That she wasn't a star, that she wouldn't be good enough. It was usual for his voice to haunt her before a show. Ever since he'd told her that, it was like a shadow attached to her, always there to weigh down on her, always sure to remind her. And performances were always like a beam of light shining from behind her, allowing for that shadow to grow endlessly.

She went over her usual solitaire ritual which consisted of reminding herself that she wasn't alone. She took a deep breath and mentally repeated that she'd gotten this far and would not allow herself to back down. Jude would win, and she would look into Madoc's eyes and prove him wrong. 

Then, as she reached for her lighter, she thought of the competition. Thought of all the other bands that went against her. Thought of how hard she was willing to work to beat them all. And as she thought of no other than Cardan Greenbriar, Jude found her other pocket empty.

She had forgotten her lighter. 

Again, she felt the hairs on her skin rise, and way too quickly did she allow her body to fill with irritation.

"Fuck," Jude muttered.

She turned to run back inside, eager to have a smoke before she had to get on that stage when the backdoor opened, and the devil himself walked through it. He nodded to whoever he had been talking to in the bar before shutting the door behind him. 

Jude blinked. Was she simply the unluckiest girl in history? She wondered as Cardan Greenbriar stood before her as if she had called his name. 

He was there.