Wanna Be Yours

chapter fifteen: but her eyes were on me

Jude:

No. She had said. We have to practice.

"Oh, come on!"

"Jude, it's just one night, we've practiced all day!"

"Jude, please?"

But, no, she had said. Over and over. No, and no, and no.

"If you say no one more time, I'm quitting this band."

It was a joke. Vivi being Vivi. Still, the thought made Jude's heart drop to her stomach. It made her stand from the sofa where she had been strumming her acoustic guitar and writing. Eyes wide, finding Vivi perfectly. Frantically and desperately hoping it was simply that, a joke. Searching, like her life depended on it, for the punchline.

And when she had gotten it, she was almost winded.

Vivi's eyes twinkled, "I'd never leave!" partnered with a "Gee, Jude! See? You do need this party. You need to relax."

"One would think she'd learn to have more fun at life after her performance with Cardan." Bomb commented.

"Give her a break," Wren's sweet voice called, "she has. She's been a little looser. She's just Jude. Always the worrier. Always scheming. If you don't want to go it's okay Jude, I'll go though, Oak invited me."

The girls began to giggle and 'ooh' at Wren as if they were children.

Jude wanted to disappear.

"Always working," Taryn nodded, walking toward her sister, and grabbing her hand, "come on," her eyes carried something, like she'd seen something in Jude's alarm, "let's get dressed, Jude. Let's go."

"Fine," Jude finally said, "fine."

They walked to Jude's room, leaving the girls to their jokes and chatter. They teased Wren about Oak and made even more scandalous comments about the other band members. They snickered like children, squealing and beaming. The last thing Jude paid attention to before Taryn led her into Jude's room and closed the door behind them, was that Bomb had a liking to Roach and that they all agreed Ghost had the face of an angel.

Jude felt severely annoyed, which then morphed into resentment and bitterness. Jude hated being like this, it wasn't like they were doing anything wrong; it wasn't like she could scold them for it, yet she felt it all.

And when the door closed, Jude allowed herself an exhale, trying to get her shoulders to relax when her sister spoke.

"Are you okay? You seem bothered by something," Taryn's voice was careful, Jude met her eyes, they were investigative, trying to figure Jude out.

Jude frowned, "I'm fine."

"What set you off?"

"I'm not angry."

"No. You are."

"Taryn, leave it alone, let's get ready."

"Was it Vivi's comment? About leaving the band? Does that bother you?"

"Taryn..."

"I am not staying either," Taryn confessed quickly, like if she didn't, Jude would force her into this forever, keep her wrists handcuffed to the keyboard she played for eternity, "I am leaving after we're done with this."
Jude felt dread take over her bones, she tried not to protest, tried not to word-vomit a list of reasons why she should stay. But she kept quiet, locking her urge to yell somewhere deep down.

What else do I need to do? She thought frantically. What must I do to convince you?

"I am not angry that you, and maybe some of the others want to leave. It's fine. Really."