Risk & Reward

Twenty-Two

"You're still up, fancy pants?" Shi smiles softly as she looks up from the screen of her laptop to meet her uncle's eyes.

"Unfortunately, leaning how to balance these two jobs is going to take some time." She chuckles, tapping her pen against the open sketchbook beside her as a reference to what she's doing. "You're home late."

"Ya, well, I got a call out of Delano this afternoon. There's a case someone is begging me to take on." He pulls out the seat beside her at the dining room table, sitting down as he talks. "A couple little girls, twins actually. They're about two and a half and their older half brother is trying to get custody of them. They keep bouncing from foster care to drug abusing parents and back. He wants me to help him keep his sisters safe, no matter the cost."

"Sounds like your kryptonite right there." Shi offers him a knowing smile, squeezing his hand that sits on the table.

"He's nineteen, Shi. Even younger than I was when I stood up in front of that judge and pleaded to give me custody of you and Sabi."

"That doesn't mean it isn't possible. No one thought you'd be able to do it either, and that was twenty-five years ago now. You know what those girls are living through right now, Paul. And I know you're going to do everything you can to save them. The same way you saved Sabi and I from our hell."

"Ya..." He sighs. "It did get me thinking a lot about our family, and the family we left behind when I adopted you girls."

"Oh?"

"I know we don't talk about them much, but there are times I do miss parts of that world."

"That's okay. But it's also okay that you left it all behind, I wouldn't be who I am if you hadn't, Sabi and I wouldn't have had the amazing childhood we did. You wouldn't have Jess, or the little girls either. You picked the future you wanted for yourself and your family over the family you grew up with, and no one can blame you for cutting the ties you did. I firmly believe it saved my life when you did that, and Sabi's too."

"I don't know if she got any more time than she would have with them."

"Hey!" She frowns sharply. "She may have died young, but she died happy, and she died knowing the true and unconditional love of a family. You gave her that, and you don't get to feel guilty for it. Any of it."

"Thanks, Shi. I'm sorry, I just started throwing myself a pity party on the way home and getting too deep into my childhood traumas."

"I get it. Trust me, I have so many moments of doubt, of somehow blaming myself for so much that I can't control, including losing Sabi. But we can't let all of that ruin who we are, and the things we know."

"We should go visit her soon..."

"I'd really like that. August is always hard, but this year is really pushing me to my limits. Every morning I wake up and think about what we did ten years ago today, how those were our last memories with her... I can't believe it's been ten years in just a couple weeks."

"I know. She's been on my mind so much, I keep imagining who she'd be now, and wishing we got to know the version of her that would be thoroughly dreading turning 29 next month." Paul laughs.

"29! That means less than a year until I'm 30! I'm so old." Shi imitates the dramatic whine her sister used to do to bug them, laughing as she finishes.

"Exactly." Paul laughs too.

"You know what she'd be doing though, right?" Shi asks quietly as their laughter dies out.

"What do you think she'd be doing?"

"She'd be married by now, to Erin. They'd live in the cleanest and most hospitable camper in the Sequoia National Forest, both leading tours and adventures all summer long. They'd come down to the valley for long weekends in the slow season and spend that time loving on Lex and Ari nonstop. She'd have a baby, or at least be begging Erin for one at this point. She always loved the babies. She'd be loud, and crass, and so happy with her life. Her laugh would fill the whole house again, every time she entered. And she'd be the bright shining wild thing she's always been." Shi smile looks sad again.

"Ya, that sounds about like the life she'd want to be living if she were here."

"It would be wonderful, and amazing to have her here." Shi adds softly.

"You would have smiled more in the last ten years if she had been. Especially those first few. I've seen that smile come back over the last couple years, but I was missing it for a long time. When you left for college, I was really nervous your depression would turn you into someone you didn't want to be, someone I fought to keep you from becoming. But my doubts were misplaced, because you became exactly who I knew you could be. You fought through so much and every time I see you genuinely smile I still think of how long I went without seeing that, and how hard that was to bear."

"Luckily I had the best duncle in the world, and I knew, even in my darkest moments, that choosing to numb the pain with drugs was not the answer. You taught us to be wary, to understand the why behind addictive personalities and genetics, and every single time the idea came up, Sabi was there in my head to remind me not to become that person. And you were there to hug me when she couldn't."

"She'd be proud of you, Shi. Of how you managed to work through everything, of the person you've become. She'd have been your biggest cheerleader through your career and everything else you've done in life."

"I know." She nods softly. "I miss her, everyday."

"'Me too." Paul sighs softly, silence enveloping them as they digest the conversation.

"So, any news from your apartment?" Paul asks after a minute. "I like having you home, but I can't imagine living full time at your childhood home is fun at your age."

"They said they haven't had any other incidents reported, and they've replaced the locks on my door. I have to pick up the new keys tomorrow." She shrugs.

"You don't look convinced in their efforts."

"I think they've done all they can, I just..." she sighs, running a hand through her tangled hair.

"What?"

"I don't know, I feel anxious and paranoid this week. Like I'm being followed almost or something. I couldn't tell you who, or a car, or anything but I just feel exposed and vulnerable any time I'm out of this house."

"You're welcome to stay here longer if you need." Paul frowns.

"I ordered a camera doorbell to install at the apartment, I think that will help me feel better some. I think the stress of work, mixed with the attempted break in, and it just being August, it's all getting to me."

Tomorrow is Saturday, why don't we go over in the morning and I'll help you set up the doorbell, and we can do a few things to help make it feel more secure. Like add a latch lock inside the apartment so the door can't open if you're inside, and get the really long screws for the door latch so it's extra secure. We could get you a security system for inside the apartment too if you want."

"I don't know. It feels silly to be this worried about an attempted break in, but I live alone, so it's freaking me out."

"It's okay that it is. We'll do whatever we need to help you feel more safe in your place. I promise."

"Thanks."

"Anything for you, fancy pants. Now you should get some sleep. You can't do your best work if you're overly exhausted."

"I was about to call it a night when you came in anyway." She nods, pushing a few buttons on her laptop before closing it softly.

"I love you, Shi. Get some sleep." He adds as he stands, heading for the stairs as she collects her things.

——————————
A little more info on Shi's past, and a heart to heart with her uncle. Things are about to start moving real fast here!

I should have warned you there wouldn't be an update last Sunday. The Super Bowl is basically its own holiday (rivaling Christmas level) at my in-laws so I was busy all day.

Vote and comment!

I love you guys!!!

~M =)