Everything I Want

Lucas

 I look at the notes Riley gave me. The handwriting is so familiar, but I can't quite see who wrote it. As I read the notes, hot angry tears fill my eyes. Who would say this to Maya? And how could she have believed it? She's so talented, funny, smart, brave, beautiful.....why on earth would she believe that she wasn't? 

Before I moved here, I was something completely different from what I am now. I used to  be the school bully. I got suspended so many times, and recently expelled. That's why I'm a year older. But I wasn't the bully people would expect. I was a bully it's true. But I only bullied the people who did that to others. In my mind back then, I thought I would help people. Eliminate those who hurt the others. But in reality I caused more damage than before. I was the one people feared. If I beat up every guy in school for how they hurt people, it made some fear me and others saw me as a target. They would go after my friends. 

Could this be what's happening here? Am I the reason Maya got the letters? Why she went too far and hurt herself? I thought I'd left that part of me back on Texas. I could start over. A new state, a new place where no one knew me. I thought I could change. But I was wrong. I ended up hurting the one I love most. How could I have ever thought she would love someone like me? Maya the angel, saving my soul with her goodness.

 Me the devil, no matter how hard I try I'm still bad. Maya the sun, me a hurricane. Her life, me death. The beauty and the beast. Maya a flower and me, Lucas, the weeds. The evil viscous weeds who stole her goodness, her wonderful beauty to the point where she is dying. I wish I'd never met her. So she could live a happy life with someone better than me. Those notes were meant for me, not her. Something as good as she is could never have something as evil as those words. How could a heart like hers ever love a heart like mine?