spice and... sugar?

9 2 6

by spicextea

by spicextea

Haha! Where do I start? A LOT has happened since I last updated this little online journal of my life. It's been quiet here and I wanted to ask for advice, maybe give you insider information, and whatever else comes to mind.

DECEMBER:

It was the end of something temporary and the start of something new. I finally had the balls to confront my feelings and realise that the guy I was seeing wasn't good for me. I take pride in not crying over men easily but this guy had me in his palm and he didn't even know it. Nor did he care, apparently. Turns out he still wanted his exes, my best friend (don't worry she was cool with the relationship) and an ex-friend (she was more of a fling for him). I assume he only wanted a quickie but I swore we had something more than a 'more than friends' relationship. (Don't worry, we didn't have sex or anything.)

In the span of time I was figuring out my feelings, a friend of mine invited me to join a group chat. Bored and needing to be surrounded by friends that didn't breathe down my neck because of the man I was smitten with at the time, I agreed. At first, I was a little reserved. I mean, I didn't know any of these people and I didn't plan of giving them the wrong impression.

In introducing myself, 2 people stuck out to me, somebody under the username 'Dani' and another, 'Rae'. Of course, I met a few more people who were absolutely stunning which promptly allowed me to open up. Rae and I shared similar tastes in fictional men and we'd other chuckle over them. She also had similar problems so I had with men so I offered advice.

Dani on the other hand, ooh boy... He was a handful, an adorable handful. He wasn't like other men I've met in my lifetime of merely a decade and a half. Oh no, he was unapologetically himself. Eventually, we drew closer because who isn't gonna open up to sweet extrovert who happens to like THE ARIANA GRANDE. The group even made jokes about us being husband and wife because yes, we would playfully flirt as if the others couldn't see our messages.

Eventually after a little while Dani and I became official, still referring to each other as each other's spouse to this day. Though a friend of mine slightly scruntised the relationship for happening so soon.

Happy with my decision, I told the other guy who I had ended things with earlier (mid November) who still made advances to cut it out and we were done indefinitely and that I'd appreciate if he steps back.

Despite learning that the 'bad boys' never did change as they did in my imaginative musings, books or stories I've read, I was happy. I introduced Dani to Taylor to which he had already been familiar with and relayed listening to 'You Belong To Me' and 'Shake It Off'. Consequently, now I can't listen to Shake It Off the same anymore because of that.

I may or may not have forced him to listen to 1989 (Taylor's Version) and reputation.

JANUARY 2025:

Finally in my reputation era by then. I was completely happy. Dani and I had made it to a month despite my baseless superstitions (a previous relationship started in December and ended in January). I was finally living the love story I've always wanted.

Nothing drastic happened at that time, it was quiet. I didn't really publicise the relationship so only my close friends knew. Plus, he went to a different high school so no need to explain why a random guy would hang out with me. He is also older which... still sounds surreal. I've always liked older men but this was one thing about him that makes me sit down often and say, 'Wow, I really did pull a loyal guy who happens to be a year older.'

I became aware of one of his friend's mental state that month. Let's call him 'Connor'. Now he's had a crappy play in life which I have been strictly forbidden from talking about because he gave me details on EVERYTHING. And I've taken it upon myself to try to help him out of his misery without prompting him to taking his own life. I can't count how many times we've spoken and I've struggled not to break down into hopeless tears because God, he's been hurt.

But I've made a little progress, having managed to coax him out of committing. I remember vividly the night I wrote a whole ahh paragraph or the times where he was offline so long I got scared.

But we're making small progress. I refuse to make him promise to not do it becuase he'd made too many promises that he feels he can't keep. Instead, I've taken a different approach, I've told him that we're working together. If he falls, we're gonna work together to make it and so far we've been making it.

FEBRUARY 2025:

Holy smokes... It was my first Valentines Day where I actually had someone to spend it with. Although, my phone was 'kidnapped' by my dad after a hissy fit so I didn't exactly get to spend it with him... (It's a long distance relationship.) So... that happened.

His phone took its last breath to which we spent a whole week talking at about 6 to 8 in the night before he fell asleep. But don't worry, he's got a new one so we're back on track. As well as sporting 2 months together. Hehe.

Connor wants to 'complain' less about his feelings which I respect and I've taken a step back from poking and prodding. I'm giving him time to gather his thoughts but I'm happy we're still keeping contact and he hasn't cut me off completely.

Which leads up to now... Hi, I'm Spice. I'm currently in love with Sugar. Still trying to keep my head afloat in an ocean of tortured souls and empty tears. And I do hope you are all well. <3

How are you?

Tags (aka the cool kids):