Give me my Hershey Kisses

Chapter 5

       Makayla placed me on my bed making sure I faced away from the mirror. I watched as she grabbed my ultimate make up kit from the top of the closet. She got me that kit for my birthday but I barely use it. Most of the products inside are still not open. Most the time I only wear blush and mascara and, depending on the circumstance, I will use eyeshadow and lipstick. I never touched my foundation, my eyelashes, most of the brushes, and most of the other products I have. I just never really had needed to use them. Makayla open the kit, then looked at me disgusted.

       "Well this was a giant waste of my money." Even though Makayla looked like she had it all, she was very cautious of her money choices. She hated spending money on things just for them to never be used.

       "I'm sorry, but you didn't have to go out and buy all that stuff." She really didn't have to go buy that stuff. I don't need it. I know I always think that I'm not that much to look at but wearing make up isn't going to make me look better. When I wear make up it makes me feel fake. Like I'm fooling people on how I really look.

       "Well I thought wearing make up would help you with your self-esteem issues." I knew when she said that she didn't mean any harm, but it is just one of those things you can't say without hurting someone's feelings. I looked up at her and I could tell she knew that I was hurt by what she said. She put the kit back in the closet and sat down beside me on the bed.

       "Catherine I mean-"

       "I know what you meant Makayla, but I don't try to have a low self-esteem. It's just the way I am."

       "No, Catherine, that's where you're wrong. Most people, especially girls, fight with self-esteem, so don't beat yourself up for it." This is what I meant by she's always there when you need her, but this time I wasn't buying it. How could she had to deal with self-esteem issues. She's Miss Perfect. All of a sudden I just felt really angry at her.

       "What about you? You probably never had to deal with self-esteem issues, so don't you go telling me about them," I said basically spitting the words at her. As soon as I was done speaking I felt terrible, because I was wrong for talking to her like that, but to be honest that's the way I felt.

       I looked at her and I could tell I offended her. We looked at each other and I watched as her face went from offended to just plain angry. I placed my head down in shame before she could even utter a word. I heard her sigh, but I still didn't look at her, then she began to speak.

       "Catherine, my whole life wasn't picture-perfect." I still didn't lift my head. She sighed again, but this time the sigh was long and exaggerated. "My whole life used to be living up to people expectations. I was basically controlled by what I thought people wanted. I wasn't able to just be myself. I couldn't just walk into school any type of way. Hell, even my mom was like that. I had to always look good to make sure that she could show off to people that her daughter was soooo beautiful..... Every day I had to stress over what to wear, how I look, how I act just to make everyone happy. Sometimes I just wanted to say fuck it, but I couldn't because of my mom and everybody lecturing me about how I could look so much better and how I have so much potential and how....how I'm just letting myself look bad. It wasn't fun. I became a pushover. I became a..a...hoe. And Catherine, do you know the whole reason why I let it go on.... It's because before my dad left he said something to my mom that I'll always remember. He said something that made me feel like I had to look good in order for people to want to be around me." At this point I looked at her. I could see that she was crying. I didn't know she was crying. She kept her voice so steady as she talked. She took a long deep breath before continuing.

       "He said 'I don't want to stay here you and you're ugly child.'" It broke my heart to hear that. I couldn't imagine how she felt. I started crying for being such a bad person and I don't think that helped,because when she noticed I was crying, she started bawling. I grabbed her in my arms and held her.

       "That was the last thing I heard him say," She said. She was crying so hard that I could barely make out what she was saying. I didn't know how to respond to that, so I didn't. I just sat there holding her. I don't know how long we sat there, but we sat there until she finally spoke.

       "Don't you have a date to get ready for?" She said between sniffles. She sat up and looked at me. She had a slight grin in-between all those tears.

       "You are more important than a date." If my best friend needs me, I don't care what I have to miss, I'll be there for her. Besides I don't think Chris and I will go far anyway.

       "Duh, I know that, but I'll like for you to go." I noticed that she was starting to get over our crying fiasco. Does she want to see me fail, because that does not make me feel better.

       "What's the point. It's just going to be like all my other relationships. He ends up either cheating or breaking up with me."

       "Maybe he'll be different." I'm surprised she isn't sick of those words coming out of her mouth. She basically said that for every single guy I dated and what happens? Nothing changes and he's never different.

       "You know you said that about Joseph, Jalil, and Eddie." She seemed a little stunned when I said Eddie's name. Now that think about it she never mentioned me talking about him last night. Maybe I didn't mention him. "I told you what happened with me and Eddie right?"

       "Yeah. How could you mention Chris without mentioning Eddie?" Something didn't seem right with her expression on her face, but I just ignored it and moved on.

       "Alright, I'll go if it makes you feel better, but can we skip it with all the make up and all stuff."

       "OK. We can skip that, but we definitely have to do something with your hair." She finally had a full smile on her face.

       "Is that right Makayla, because you have more wrappers in your hair than I do in my hair." She sucked her teeth, before running to the bathroom. I didn't know what she was doing. She was going through the cabinets and grabbing a bunch of my stuff. When she was done she came out with a comb, brush, shampoo, conditioner, blow dryer, flat iron, and curlers. I didn't have anything to say, so I just stared at her in amazement of how she arranged them so she could carry all those things.

       "Don't just sit there. It's probably after 12:30 by now. You have a date to get ready for. Chop chop. Lets get to work." I got up and grabbed the comb and brush out of her hands and went into the bathroom. I looked into the mirror and stared at my hair. 'I really need to stop eating chocolate,' I thought to myself, but we all know that's never going to happen.

      I had to go mad crazy to make sure I'm ready in time for my date. For some dumb reason, I was actually started to get excited. Even though he looked like he was totally out of my league, which he probably is, maybe there is hope, just like there was for Eddie,...and Jalil,....and Joseph, and many others before them. Maybe it was just his looks, but I was so hoping Chris would be different, and I actually took time to make sure that I looked close to flawless today. My hair was beautifully curled and the part was towards the side so my bangs could show. I wore a beautiful turquoise dress shirt with some nice black dress pants, and some black flats, and I wore my black framed glasses to go with.

       Since it's like mad rush hour on the streets at this time, instead of having Makayla take me, I took the train towards the coffee shop. I couldn't wait to get off the train because it was packed in there. It was 2:15 by the time I got off the train.

       I ran like a prissy little girl towards the coffee shop. I know this because it was hot and I didn't want to sweat out my curls. As I got closer I could see Chris on his phone by the door.

       "Chris," I shouted. He looked up from his phone and saw me jogging towards him. He tucked his phone in his back pocket and started jogging towards me.