My Personal Diary; My life.

5 entry's. Saved texts. A/N.

January 5, 2010:

Me and Damien are now dating, but is that good enough? Am I happy enough? Nope. I can never be satisfied. I want my cake and I wanna be able to eat it too. I want Matt to break up with his girlfriend (yes you heard right) Matt has a girlfriend. Her name is Kirsten. Well anyways he claims he doesn't love her and he loves me yet he is still with her, how fuckking crappy.. I want him to dump her and love me, but I want to stay with Damien. Selfish right? Well that's me for you. I love Matt but I like Damien. Damien's here in my state and Matt's not anymore. How am I supposed to know Matt's not cheating on me? I mean he's cyber cheating on me with this girl..?

January 10, 2010:

Nobody knows what pain I am really going through, I have a boyfriend Damien but the only reason I am dating him is so he can help me not think about Matt and his girlfriend. Matt doesn't care about me or love me and that's all I want. I love him so much and all he cares about is himself. I am starting to believe the last two years were a lie, all those "I love you's" were lies. But he says he still cares and he still loves me. I love him too, so much. But what about Damien?

January 18, 2010:

So yeah life is going good right now. I honestly can't complain. Me and Matt are friends because I am falling for Damien. Damien's amazing, and actually wrote me a long ass poem which is in the fairy book(: there's some saved texts in my phone that I want to keep but need to delete so I'm going to write them down.

All are from Matt:

-I love you,

-Well it's 12 you need to go to bed, goodnight and sweet dreams I love you.

-OMG your such a dork lol but it's okay I think it's cute:) Nighty Night sweetie.

-I wasn't thinking anything like that.. You have to swear you won't stop loving me and you'll stay by my side threw thick and thin. And stay up til you fall out.

(Matt's dream)

-Okay I was walking somewhere idkk where I was and I heard someone yell my name and I looked around and I seen you. And you were with a lot of people and you walked up to me and gave me a big hug and held me for a long time and you looked up and hugged me tighter. Then you let go and told whoever you were with that you'll see them later and I took your hand and we walked and then I put my arms around you and you put yours around me and we walk in some park and there's kids everywhere and we got on some sings and swung a little talking and holding hands. You got up and walked to me and put your legs the other way so we were face to face and you wrapped your arms around my neck and you put your face deep into my neck and kissed it, and you looked up and put your forehead to mine, and looked in my eyes. I gave you a kiss and you backed up and looked at me then leaned in and we made out then I stood up and I set you down and then we walked to your house. And no one was there. Then I woke up.

-Idc how you look at it your still my #1 because you were and are my first true love so in my eyes you still are my #1.

-Babe I told you, your still my #1 I fell in love with you I still love you. And I didn't leave you alone I'm still here you know I'm here you know when your upset or what not I'm here for you. No matter what I'm still madly in love with you I'm crazy about you. If I had it my way I would move back just to be with you. That's the only reason I want to come back sweetie.

-I love you baby that's all there is to it, and I meant every word I said to you.

January 24, 2010:

So I am happy to report everything is great as of these past few days. Matt's girlfriend dumped him so he's completely in love with me again as if he ever stopped loving me. lol. But anyways so thathappened. Then tomorrow is me and Damien's one month! I doubt he will remember though. Which is sad. If he forgets I will dump him. Tomorrow I have a game! Good luck to me! I'm getting my hair done Tuesday after practice, yay!

February 10, 2010:

Okay so I have a serious problem! I still love Matt and me and Matt's feelings for each other are progressing each day, so in turn I am loosing all interest in Damien:( But what can I do about that? Nothing really! I love Matt so much and I don't want to be with Damien but I can't bring myself to say the words to Damien. My mom is kinda expecting Matt, she doesn't complain as much about him anymore. I love Matt! God damn do I love that boy! It almost hurts!

A/N; for awhile I stopped writing in my diary, and it turned into a place to keep my saved texts lol. So I don't know if you would like to read ALL of those, so if so comment and let me know, if not. Comment and tell me not to. Thank you!