Drown

Chapter 20: Forever

**Someone asked for this a while ago.  So, here it is.

*5 years later*

I lied awake at seven in the morning, listening to the rain beating against the bedroom window. The rain, mixed with the steady sound of my love breathing beside me, made me feel like everything was okay. And at that time, it really seemed to be. We were both twenty four now, living in San Francisco. We'd moved out of Chicago two years earlier. Greyson just needed a fresh place to be. So, where better for a young gay couple to move than California?

I turned so I was facing him. Even now, I still got butterflies every time I saw his face. This guy had taken me to hell and back multiple times. But he'd never stop being the one who gave me a real reason to be alive. Everything I did was for him, and that was exactly how I liked it.

Over the last few years, Greyson's mental health had gotten a lot better. He wasn't so suicidal anymore. There were still days where everything would get to be too much. But I didn't mind them. Having a day or two a month where he'd shut down was much better than worrying about him every day like I used to. Now, he was mostly normal. He still had that depressive mind; the one he used to write. But his outlook on his life overall had brightened. He wanted to be alive.

"Go to sleep." Greyson whispered without opening his eyes.

"How long have you been awake?"

"Longer than you have."

"And you didn't think to kiss your husband?" I asked, only half joking.

I watched him smile, his eyes staying close.
"Say it again." he yawned.

"Husband." I laughed.

"Whose?"

"Yours, my love."

He moved forward a bit so he could kiss me, keeping his body pressed to mine after he stopped. He was quiet for a minute before slowly opening his eyes and smiling at me again.

"Luca?"

"You want me to repeat my vows again?" I asked him, running my fingers through his hair.

He just nodded, moving to rest his head on my shoulder.

"Greyson, you are my best friend." I began, kissing his forehead, "You are the person who let me know what it means to be in love. I promise to keep you safe. I promise to always be here when you need help. I promise to never give up on you, no matter what we might go through. I promise to always make sure you know how much you mean to me. I promise to love you. I choose you, and I will always choose you."

Those words had become a sort of lullaby since the first time I'd said them to him, four years ago. Hearing me say it made him feel good. It reminded him that I loved him enough to promise him forever. That promise was one that I intended to keep. Repeating my vows never felt any less special to me. The words never lost their meaning. I still loved him just as much as I had the day we got married. I liked reminding him of that.

Greyson just kept smiling, running his fingers along the scars that decorated my stomach. They were faded now, but still obvious. They didn't bother be anymore, but they still made him upset. He was still convinced that he'd caused them.

"I love you so much, Luca." He said quietly.

"I know. I love you too."

I sat up slowly, escaping from his grip, and got out of bed.

"Where are you going?" He asked when I started to change my clothes.

"Let's go get breakfast."

"But it's so early." He groaned, smiling, "Get back in bed. Have me for breakfast."

"As nice as that sounds, I'm starving."

"Fine." He laughed, standing up and walking to the closet, "But I get to pick where we go."

So we grabbed an umbrella and walked a few blocks to the Greyson's favorite café. It was a tiny place, decorated with stone and a ton of tiny plants. It was the kind of place that teenagers find cool. And though we'd been married men for four years, we still acted like we were kids.

"We were never like that." Greyson said to me after we got our coffees.

I looked to where he'd motioned. A guy and a girl sat at a table at the back of the room. They looked to be a little younger than us, and were on a first or second date. They both looked flustered and nervous, but really happy.

"Nope." I smiled, "You've been obsessed with me since we met."

"Yeah, okay. It was just me."

He took some whipped cream off the top of his coffee and flicked it at me.

"Proud of yourself?" I asked him.

He just laughed a little, nodding as he handed me a napkin.

"You ever wish we'd taken time to be like that?" He asked next.

I glanced at the couple again, then looked back at Greyson.

"No." I sighed, "I'm happy we never had the awkward, nervous stage. I've known what kind of weirdo you were from the beginning."

He nodded a little, looking upset rather than happy.

"Sorry you didn't get somebody more normal." He said, stirring his coffee with his finger.

"You think I'd still be around if I wanted normal?"

"I guess not." He sighed, "Because I'm definitely not that."

"No, you're not. And I love you for it."

He smiled a little, but didn't say anything. He just kept stirring his drink.

"Baby, doesn't that burn?" I asked him.

"Yeah."

I reached across the table and picked up his arm, pulling his hand away from the mug.

"That's not starting again." I told him.

He glanced down at his arms, which were littered with faded scars. He stared at them for a second, then looked back up at me.

"You don't have to worry about that." He said, sucking the coffee off his finger, "I'm not that crazy anymore."

I took his hand again, squeezing it tightly to make him look at me.

"No, you're not. You haven't been that crazy in a long time. And I'm super proud of who you've become."

He just smiled, grabbing my hand again and kissing it quickly.

"I love you." He sighed, "It still amazes me how much you're willinging to deal with."

"I promise to never give up on you, no matter what we might go through." I said, surprising myself with how easily the excerpt had come to mind.

Greyson smiled, looking away like he was embarrassed. I watched his blue eyes as they focused on his drink, and his free hand as he tapped his fingers against the side of the table. I found myself studying him a lot. The curve of his lips, the shade of each freckle, every detail.

I thought back to the first time I saw him; the day Aaron and I picked him up. I was instantly stunned by his beauty. I remembered counting the seconds before he got in the car. I'd wanted to savor the time I had of knowing him as just a pretty face. But knowing him as more than that had turned out to be the single best thing that had ever happened to me.

While he kept talking, I kept thinking. I remembered who he used to be. When we first met, he was the definition of 'fucked up'. This suicidal kid who was so afraid of getting hurt that he slept in his clothes to avoid being trapped. But now, after years of struggling, he wasn't that broken person anymore. He was happy now.

And there was nothing I'd ever wanted more than that.