Drown

Chapter 18

The world tends to choose the worst days to throw more at me.  When I'm already struggling, something else always gets added to make it worse.  So when I opened my eyes again that morning, I knew my day was bound to be a bad one.  Greyson had to work early, so I was alone in the apartment.  I spent a few hours trying to keep myself busy.  I cleaned a little, washed some clothes, took expired food out of the fridge, and watched a little tv.  

But he was on my mind the entire time.  

I couldn't decide if it was because of what happened this morning or if it was just because I loved him.  He was always on my mind, but I could usually focus on something else for at least half an hour before his pretty face or cute laugh popped into my head for a second. 

I managed to make myself wait until 12:40 to go down to the coffee shop.  Greyson got off work twenty minutes from then, so I thought it'd be nice to walk home with him.  But I mostly just couldn't wait anymore to see him.  He had still been so out of it when he left for work, and I couldn't stop worrying about it.  So I put on some clothes and hurried across town.

It was so cold out that all I could think about was getting inside.  But when I glanced through the front window I saw something that I couldn't really believe.  Greyson was behind that counter making someone's drink.  There was another guy next to him.  They were laughing about what appeared to be a broken can of whipped cream.  That didn't bother me.  When that can backfired and shot Greyson with whipped cream on the side of his neck, it didn't bother me.  Then the other guy decided to help Greyson clean up by using his mouth.  That's when I got worried.  

My fear and confusion just continued to grow as I stood there and watched.  It wasn't that they looked like they were having fun.  That would have made me happy.  It was how much they were touching each other.  I mean, I get that there isn't much room behind the counter.  But this guy would not stop touching Greyson.  He had a hand on him at all times.  When the line died down he did nothing but stand there and run his hands along Greyson's back.  What hurt me the most is that Grey didn't do anything about it.  He just stood there letting someone who wasn't me show him that kind of affection.

I tried to walk away.  I couldn't just stand here and watch this.  I had to either leave or go inside and say something.  So I decided to leave.  I wasn't even able to process the possibility of Greyson cheating on me.  But I didn't walk away fast enough.  I watched Greyson notice me standing there.  I saw him smile, then watched the smile fade when he saw the look of pure disgust on my face.  I wasn't sure if I was pissed off or sad right now.  But I turned and walked away when he motioned for me to come inside.  

I heard him calling for me through the city sounds I was surrounded by.  But I didn't stop.  I didn't know what to do or how to feel.  He might have followed me down the street, but I was walking pretty fast.  I was in no mind to say anything to him right now.  I needed to cool down a little.  Maybe then I wouldn't have the urge to stangle both Greyson and the other guy.

I didn't want to go home.  That's where he'd be going in just a little while.  So I just walked around the city for a while.  I wandered into the downtown and sketchier areas, not even worrying about getting shot.  I walked until the cold started to get to me.  I went into a quiet little bar I knew of that never asked for your ID.  I sat down at a corner table with a bottle of vodka and tried not to think.   But not even the alcohol could keep my brain quiet.

Could this even be happening?  

After everything we've been through, how could he do this to me?

Has he been lying this entire time?

Does he love me at all?

Am I over reacting?