Ellie-chan (COMPLETED)

Thirty-Seven - Confusion

Although the mother's classes I attended for a couple of months had warned me about the pain of childbirth, it still didn't make me less shocked at how painful it really was. When I felt the first spasm, I felt like fainting. Hayato had to yell at me at the back of the car to make sure I didn't give in. When we finally reached the hospital, I could barely move a finger. I was in excruciating pain. I couldn't even scream anymore. I felt so weak he had to squeeze my hand to keep me conscious.

"Don't leave me," I whispered to him when they were about to carry me to the emergency room. He just nodded. I could see that he was frightened, too.

I was barely conscious when they brought me to the ER. The nurses with us kept on blabbering something to me whenever I start to close my eyes. Hayato was panicky. He was already stuttering when he asked a doctor for some pain reliever. When the doctor hesitated, he yelled at him. My mild-mannered Hayato was shouting at the nurses, too. I touched his face to reassure him that although I was in pain, I knew I would be okay..

"Daijoubu (It's all right)," I whispered.

He lowered his head and kissed my forehead.

"Gommen ne (I'm sorry). Gommen," he murmured. He looked pretty worried.

"I'll be all right," I murmured back in between sobs.

The doctor asked me to push hard. I did. He asked me again to do it. With all my might, I pushed harder. That's when I heard something slippery and wet came out of me. And I heard the baby cried. But I also felt like it wasn't only my little fellow that came out. When I realized what it was, I blushed. I apologized to the doctor. He just smiled and said, "Shinpai shinai de kudasai. (Don't worry.)"

They put the baby on my chest and congratulated us. It was a bouncing, baby boy. Hayato was so pleased, he was beaming with pride. He kissed my forehead and hugged me and the baby. When the nurses took the baby away to clean him, he held my face to kiss me, but I turned to the other side. I couldn't look at him. I was still embarrassed. I could now smell that thing, so the more that it made me feel uncomfortable. When he realized what I was worried about, he gave me a smack on my left cheek and laughed.

"It's all right. It happens. I'm glad it's over now. I'm so proud of you."

**********

As I looked at Hayato and the baby sleeping soundly in our bed, I felt kind of sad. In a few months, I would no longer have this privilege. I'm pretty sure that he would ask for a divorce as soon as I get settled.

My new job was kind of promising. The school owner was very considerate – in fact, he agreed to give me a three-month paid maternity leave although I was new to his company. He also promised to sponsor my visa should my situation change – that is, if my husband and I filed for a divorce.

"Hey," Hayato said in a whisper as he squinted at me. "Come here," he ordered, with his arm outstretched. He patted a space on the other side of the baby. He motioned for me to lay there.

Quietly, I went towards them and lie down beside our baby. I gently caressed my little angel's face and kissed his forehead. I looked at his face intently, too. I wanted to memorize all his features so that when he's no longer with me, I could picture him well in my head.

"Why are you sad?" Hayato asked.

I shook my head, but I didn't raise my head to meet his gaze.

"You should be happy. We have a baby now. It seemed like yesterday when we were discussing about having him. But look – here he is with us now."

"Yeah," I agreed and smiled. My eyes were still on the baby's face.

"What are you thinking?" he murmured.